Buffy on a Rewatch: The Witch (S1E03)

This will not be as long as the last rewatch one, I can promise you that. Also, I have warned y'all about these rewatch posts, but I still feel I should reiterate that because it is retrospective, there can and probably will be spoilers for the series down the line.

So, this is our first non-vampire episode in a nice chain of non-vampire episodes (...excluding Never Kill a Boy on the First Date and Angel, it's a chain), because Joss Whedon wanted to make it clear that Buffy fought more than vampires because there were more things than vampires that were drawn to the Hellmouth.

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy this episode, but I don't find it nearly as great as a lot of people say. Still, there are many good things happening here. Giles steps things up a bit, Buffy is less of a hero than the Scooby Gang as a whole, which is nice, they introduce Amy, who famously had one of the most drastic arcs while only being shown in eight episodes through the series (except for those times she was a rat, but that doesn't really count), and oh yeah, there's a Scooby love triangle. Remember when that was a thing? It seems so weird now....

Basically, Xander has a crush on Buffy, and Willow has a crush on Xander, and Buffy seems to be totally unaware of all of this for the moment. This'll get even more complicated when Angel, Oz, and Cordelia get mixed up in this love... shape. In this episode, though, it remains a nice, simple triangle.

Well, since we're already talking about that, why don't we talk about that?

So, as Buffy begins her tryout for the cheerleading squad, Xander comes up to her (after oggling all the other cheerleaders, I might add) and gives her this silver bracelet with the words "Yours Always" engraved on it. ("They all said that, I swear!") He says it's a good luck token, and Buffy pretty much just goes, "Okay" and doesn't read into it. Meanwhile, Willow is just stewing because she has such a huge crush on Xander, and that bracelet is killing her, but she doesn't want to say anything. I heard a debate once where someone said that the reason Willow doesn't say anything is because she's a loyal friend, and doesn't want to split up the group by getting mad at either Buffy or Xander over this, because she wants to support them both. The other person said that it had more to do with the fact that Willow is extremely shy and hasn't really grown a spine yet, and so she's just too timid to say anything. I have to agree with the second person on this, because Willow has no problem confiding in Buffy, even if it does involve her. She's just scared to because she's still kind of generally nervous at this point in the series. That's what I think. Anyways....

We meet Amy in that scene as well. And she seems nice enough, she talks about how she hates trying out for the cheerleading squad (which is kind of inconsistent with the rest of the episode, so I guess she means that she hates the tryouts themselves, or that she has to do them?), and that she and her mom trained all the time. Which is where we touch on the main theme of the episode: parents. Aren't they just the worst?

So, throughout the episode, there're these parallel storylines, one with the whole witch thing and what Amy's up to, and one between Buffy and her mom. Which don't seem to have a whole lot to do with each other, but they really do. Because, the thing is, the entire witch plot with Amy is about parents. Specifically, her mom. Because the thing is, (this is the twist of the episode,) when we meet Amy, it isn't really Amy. It's Amy's mom inhabiting her body, and we only ever really meet the actual Amy at the end.

So what Buffy is talking about here is parents living vicariously through their child. Except, minus the word "vicariously". What I admire about Buffy is its ability to capture real teenage struggles and fears and frustrations in plots that are fantastical enough for it to still be entertaining.

The thing about this episode, though, is that you expect on a rewatch to be going, "Oh, yeah, it definitely isn't Amy! Duh! It's so obvious now!" because that's part of the fun of rewatching things. But you don't do that with this episode. I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't actually Amy, especially near the beginning, which, I mean, is a sign that it was a well-constructed episode, I guess. There is one aspect of it that does have that element, though, and that's that Amy always talks about how great her mom is all the time, and how her mom gave up everything for her, and even when she talks about her dad leaving them, it stinks of a little too much... grudge. You only realize this is suspicious when you put that together with Willow saying that Amy's mom is a complete nazi about stuff, and had a habit of locking up the fridge if she gained an ounce, so Willow and Amy would hang out and pig out on junk food, but that's real easy to... not miss, but dismiss and forget.

But for the moment, Buffy gets kinda jealous of how close Amy seems to be with her mom, so Buffy begins making an effort to become closer with her own mother (who, for the sake of word counts and simplicity, we will just call Joyce, because, well, it's her name). It doesn't go as well as she'd hoped, as they're both stressed at the moment from just having moved, and Joyce makes a few thoughtless and hurtful comments about Buffy's status as juvenile delinquent, and doesn't really listen to what Buffy says, and then Buffy makes a few thoughtless comments towards her mom, and there's tension for a bit there. Which, I mean, in what teenager's life has this not happened? Parents are pressuring children, children get snappy, everyone blames each other, and eventually they have to come to terms with the fact that common genes doesn't equal carbon copy. In the end, Joyce decides that she just doesn't understand Buffy. At all. Emphasized by the fact that, well, she really doesn't, since she's totally oblivious to the whole Slayer thing.

The other thing about the Amy storyline is its repeated reference to shallowness and obsession with image. This is something I definitely missed on the first watch (and listening to the Slayerettes podcast definitely made it a lot more obvious, not gonna lie), but Amy's mom is extremely.... superficial, that's the word I'm looking for. Everything points to the fact that all her best years were in high school, she married her high school sweetheart, she was top dog, head cheerleader, most popular girl in school. Suddenly, high school's over, she goes through a horribly bitter divorce from her high school sweetheart, and the real world, where substance actually kinda matters, just hits her. And she prefers to go back to a world where substance doesn't appear to matter than try to gain some. This is indicated in a few different ways, which I like - she uses Barbie dolls to do her spells and stuff, but most significantly, she's defeated by Buffy aiming a mirror at her and deflecting a spell - literally defeated by her own superficial-ness. There's also, where Joyce and Buffy are reconciling, Buffy asks if Joyce would ever like to be sixteen again, Joyce says, "Not even if it would help me understand you." Moral of the story: Please, for the love of god, don't peak in high school.

I'd just like to say, I was watching the French version of the episode - because, y'know, French Immersion, and I can understand it, and I figure watching French television should actually help with vocabulary/accent/usage/everything, but I thought I'd start with something I knew/liked. And as much as I enjoyed it - and I did enjoy it - there were some line translations that got the general meaning, but missed the thematic significance, which was a little disappointing. There's a moment where Buffy is fighting Amy's mom finally, and in the actual American version, Buffy yells at her, "Oh, grow up!" which is hugely significant to the theme, of never really leaving high school and stealing youth and all that stuff. In the French version, however, they dubbed it as "Ça suffit!" which basically translates to, "That's enough!" And it gets the same message across, but doesn't do nearly as much for the theme. I just find stuff like that interesting.

Let's see, oh! The solidifying of the Scooby Gang. Like, in the last couple of episodes (mostly The Harvest) it was basically established which gear they were in the slaying machine, but here is where we  first really get to see the gang acting as that machine, instead of Buffy and Friends, y'know? Buffy's the Slayer, and she kicks ass, but Giles upped the ante quite a bit on his own with the intense fatherly protection of his Slayer, and then Willow and Xander helped with the investigation and stalling the witch - Xander got strangled in the process, Willow got a pretty hard knock to the face BUT ANYWAYS. MY POINT is that, unlike the first couple of episodes where Buffy ran in and fought evil while the others stood back and let her go, this was the first episode where the Scoobies acted as a synchronized unit that watched each other's backs and really worked together to overcome the baddie.

Which is quite a thing to see, because they slip into the roles so quickly, and they don't really change all that much as the show goes on. Giles will always be the guy who knows everything, Willow will always be study buddy, as well as jumping into the fight if the situation calls for it, Buffy will always be, well, the Slayer, and Xander will always be the moral compass (which, I mean, is debatable I suppose. I'll have to talk about that at some point. But not here. Now is not the time or place. That'll either be a separate character study because I love my Xan-man - he's my spirit animal -  or in the rewatch of an episode that explores it a little more.) (I feel it necessary to mention here, because I'm a teenage girl and therefore full of raging hormones that blind me of critical thought, it's not because I have a crush on Spike and Xander that I love them. Spike is legitimately the most interesting character on the show, and Xander is the one I relate with the most. Like on a really intense level. It annoys me that I feel I have to clear that up.)

Oh, and of course, as I keep mentioning, Giles took a level in badass and the first trickles of his papa wolf instinct start showing up. And the fact that these are the first trickles and it's still pretty freakin' intense just goes to show how intense it really is. But basically, Buffy's got this spell put on her that gives her about three hours left to live, and Giles just abandons all that stuffy British politesse that he's known for. He rushes to the witch's house with Buffy, who he deals with touchingly delicately. And then he deals with the witch's mom. Which is less than delicate. This was the first moment I really respected Giles. She's trying to kick them out of the house, and Giles, in this super intense moment, just kinda snaps. "This girl is very sick. Now you will shut up, and you will listen to me!" Just starts laying into her. It's great. I mean, never mind the fact that he was laying into the wrong person. It's wonderfully intense and touching and just great and I really love Giles, and I think the relationship between Giles and Buffy is one of, if not the cutest thing on the show. Just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

There is one inconsistency in this episode, and this is rather rare for the Buffyverse, but Giles mentions that that was the first spell he ever did, was the one that undid all of Amy/Catherine's spells. Now, if you know your Buffy, you know that that can't be true. Because Giles wasn't always Giles. At one point he was Ripper. He was this rebellious teenage punk. And y'know, some teenagers get drunk or stoned, and some of them use magic to summon dangerous demons and get high off the possession. Guess which kind of teen Ripper/Giles was.

So, you see, there was just no way that that was Giles's first spell. And that's a really bothersome inconsistency, simply because everything else about the Buffyverse has such great continuity. Some people think that Giles was just covering up for his past when he said that, which is an okay justification for it. But I'll be totally honest, I think the writers just made a boo-boo. Which sucks, because there aren't a lot of things the writers make boo-boos on, but nevertheless, it is interesting to see how the thought process for the making of this thing changed over the course of the seasons.

Is there anything else I should add? This was the beginning of Amy's eight episode story arc, in which we meet the role model that Amy soon unconsciously and unfortunately becomes. Which is a pretty interesting journey for that character to make. Oh, there's this tiny but awesome set of parallels in which Xander tells Willow (who's hopelessly infatuated with him) that she's just "one of the guys" (he's not a jerk or anything, he's just totally oblivious), and then later in the episode, Buffy proceeds to tell Xander that he's just "one of the girls" (equally oblivious). It made me laugh and do a cheer in my head for Willow, 'cause as far as I remember, Willow doesn't get enough love in this first season.

Oh, and Giles' monologue at the beginning of this episode is actually one of my favourite things.

Giles: This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend on you! I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... cult?

[camera cuts to Buffy, standing in the doorway in her cheerleader's uniform]

Buffy: You don't like the colour?

Also, I just love how bitchy and self-absorbed Cordelia is in these first seasons. Hilarious. Cordelia's great. We don't see much of her in this episode, because she kinda went blind after she went all mega-bitch on the school witch, which is not advised, but boy, can she ever do mega-bitch.

Oh, and of course, this episode spawned one of my all-time favourite lines from the entire Buffyverse:

Xander: I laugh in the face of danger! ...then I hide until it goes away.

Brilliant.

Buffy on a Rewatch: Welcome to the Hellmouth/The Harvest (S1E01-02)

Because this is my blog, and I can. Sorrynotsorry.

I can't leave the Buffyverse alone. I just can't. Also, it's a nice comfort that high school is, in fact, the hell it appears to be. So for these reasons I have begun rewatching Buffy. A month after I finished it. Stop judging me.

And I don't think I'm going to review every single episode (or at least, not at length), only the ones I have a lot of thoughts on, but the first few, well, probably. Definitely these two. The two-parter pilot that started it all. Also, this is a rewatch, so it's retrospective, and therefore, spoilers, as I reflect on how things impact the series down the line. Just lettin' you know.

So, Welcome to the Hellmouth: begins like any horror movie, with hormonal teenagers (or, I guess, young people, whatever) doing something stupid at night time. Then one of them is a vampire and attacks and the other one dies and yeah. What I really appreciate about this scene is that, Buffy is about defying the blonde-girl-gets-killed-by-a-monster-because-she-can't-fend-for-herself trope. And even though this scene has nothing to do with Buffy herself, I really like that the guy isn't the vampire who kills the other one, it's the blonde chick who's the vampire. Who we will later know as Darla. I remember it catching me by surprise the first time, and it's something I've gotta give them props for now.

Then we cut to Buffy having one of her prophetic dreams, then she wakes up and it's her first day of school in this new small town they've just moved to (Sunnydale). La-di-la-di-la, first day nerves, and we meet Xander and Willow. It is worth noting that this is the first and last time we ever see Xander with a skateboard ever, because, apparently, filming someone skateboarding is hard. Our introductions to Xander and Willow paint a pretty good picture of how they typically are; Xander can barely control himself while on his skateboard, then he sees Buffy, gets googly-eyed and crashes into a pole. Willow finds him, she eye-rolls, helps him up, and it's revealed that they are best friends.

Then we meet Jesse. Who is apparently the third musketeer to Xander and Willow. Never heard me talk about him? Probably because he dies in the next episode. Whedon was trying to catch us by surprise by getting rid of someone set up to be important right off the bat. It's kind of his way of saying, "NO ONE IS SAFE."

But for the moment, he is alive. And he's kind of annoying. I mean, imagine Xander, with his constant attempts to up his status, but more desperate and less funny. I mean, I'm sure they would have developed him further had he stayed on, but as it is, kinda glad they killed him off. Also, killing him gives a great opening to develop Xander and Willow's characters - mostly Xander, methinks - but I'll get to that later. Also, I realize how shallow this is, but he's not very attractive.

There is no way I am the only one who looks at him and can only think of wanting to ask him, "Why the long face?"

Anyways, we get accustomed to the kill-or-be-killed nature of the high school environment until it suddenly becomes literal because whoops, there's a dead guy in the locker. Buffy gets mad because she wanted to give up slaying (she got kicked out of her last school because of the shenanigans her slayage got her into), tells Giles she's retired from slaying, and off she goes to the Bronze that night. Because all teenagers hang out at clubs late at night. Whatever, I don't question the Buffyverse.

Except, on the way to the Bronze, she meets this dark, mysterious stranger who warns her about something called the harvest, and says something about standing on the mouth of hell, then gifts her with a cross necklace. We will come to know this person as Angel, and it actually frustrates me that they didn't keep Angel the way he is in these first few episodes. He's sarcastic and skeptical, but more in a "let's see what you can do" kind of way instead of the customary "The whole world's going to end and there's nothing we can do about it" kind of way. Anyways, I just really prefer Angel in these first episodes than to his later appearances on the show. A lot more fun keep-you-guessing stuff.

So, Buffy gets to the Bronze. Then, after Buffy gives Willow this wonderful lesson in philosophy about seizing the moment because life is short and stuff, Willow YOLOs it and goes with this guy she just met who (from Buffy's analysis) is clearly a vampire because geez, all vampires think that the walk of fashion dropped dead the day they did. So Buffy rushes after them, nearly staking her Majesty the Grand Almight Bitch Cordelia in the process. Some of my favourite lines from season 1 come from that scene.

Buffy: (attacks her, then stops, realizing it's not a vampire)

Cordelia: GOD! What is your childhood trauma?!

Buffy: (runs off)

Cordelia: (to the Cordettes) Excuse me, I have to call everyone I've ever met right now. 

Also, Jesse's getting cozy with Darla. Anyways, Buffy finds the vamps and Jesse and Willow, Xander stumbles in after her trying to figure out if she's crazy or not, Buffy fights the vamps, the three musketeers escape, then Luke (a vampire) comes outta nowhere, Darla escapes the stake, and Buffy's about to die, and then TO BE CONTINUED.

Except the magic of the present day is Netflix and Internet and I don't have to wait all that long for it to be continued.

So, The Harvest: The cross necklace bestowed onto Buffy by Angel saves her from Luke, and then she runs off to make sure the three musketeers are okay, and they are, except for Jesse, who is nowhere to be found. Captured by the vamps. Whoops.

Turns out, the vampires are bringing sacrifices (or, you know, meals) for an ancient vampire simply called the Master. At first the Master gets super angry, 'cause that's just one guy, but then they're all like, "He's valuable to the Slayer!" and he's like "AHA! Okay! Bait!"

Meanwhile, the group that we will come to know as the Scooby Gang - which, for the moment, only consists of Buffy, Willow, Xander and Giles - are trying to coordinate themselves with the idea that vampires are real and the only thing they can do about it is, well, let the Slayer do her job. Well, I mean, Giles and Buffy already knew. Willow and Xander are trying to coordinate themselves with the idea. Then what happens is Giles recruits Willow to help be his research minion to find what this harvest thing is that Angel warned them about, and Xander feels absolutely useless, so he follows Buffy down into the tunnels belowground to help find his friend Jesse and rescue him. But not before a scene between Buffy and Angel, in which Angel is surprisingly sarcastic, and then he says, "I'm afraid," and you're not really sure whether or not he's still being sarcastic. I always read it as though he wasn't, as though he was actually afraid, and trying to still be kind of mysterious. Actually, the fact that you're not even sure if he's being sarcastic or not is good mysterious-ness on his part.

Then he asks Buffy why Jesse's so important to her in the first place, and she says, "Because he's a friend. Or a potential friend." Then she throws in, just to be snarky, "Do you even know what it's like to have friends?"

Angel gets broody and silent, and Buffy, sort of taken aback by that, kinda goes, "That wasn't supposed to be a stumper." And it made me think, didn't Angel have any friends at one point? And, no. Not before his own show. Not even on Buffy, really, because, to quote Spike, he and Buffy "are not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both", and he ain't exactly tight with the rest of the Scooby Gang. I really love this exchange in the first episode:

Angel: Let's just say I'm a friend. 

Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend. 

Angel: I didn't say I was yours.

Because first of all, it's a nice snark-ish-y thing to be coming from Angel, since that becomes unheard of in a bit, and second of all, he never really is her friend. And then, before Buffy, he was alone, or he was with Darla while he was evil, and he definitely does not count that. Whistler doesn't count either because Whistler was just a messenger who didn't really care a whole lot about him personally. Anyways. I just found that to be an interesting reflection.

Anyways, Xander follows Buffy down there with nothing except a flashlight, they find Jesse, then they get ambushed by vamps, 'cause guess what? He's bait. It gets to an entirely different level though, when it turns out that Jesse was in on the trap the entire time because whoops, he's a vampire now.

It's interesting what parts of the show suddenly become really funny, and what parts of the show suddenly gain an aspect of sadness to them on the rewatch. I remember the first time I watched this show, when Buffy and Xander escaped the vamps and they're filling in Willow on the situation, there's this part where Xander suddenly kicks a trash can and when everyone stares at him, he says, "I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good." The first time I saw that I remember laughing at that line, but on the rewatch it suddenly becomes kind of sad. It reminds me of that part in the episode "The Body", when Buffy's mom dies, and Xander suddenly punches his hand through the wall in frustration, and Anya goes, "Xander decided he blames the wall." It's basically the same thing. It's just, you don't really realize until the rewatch how much this single loss matters to Xander, because it suddenly becomes clear that it affects his character for the entirety of the series, but again, I'll get to that later.

So, this is where things start to get hazy - I guess what Giles and Willow uncovered in the research is that, first of all, Sunnydale is on a Hellmouth, which is kind of a hotspot for demonic activity because it's... I guess there's a portal to, um, hell? Or the fabric between dimensions is thinner? It's never really made clear what exactly it means that they're on a Hellmouth, but it's a pretty clever device that allows a lot of different demons to show up in the same town and for them to go "It's because of the Hellmouth." Some people find it cheap, I still think it's kind of clever, and a nice way to skip over the "why" question for every monster of the week.

Then they start talking 'bout the Master, who is this super-ancient vampire who came to Sunnydale centuries ago to try to open the Hellmouth and end the world, bring back all these demons, etcetera. And, I guess that ceremony had to be done in a church for some reason. The haziness continues. So, because opening Hellmouths is a risky business, a huge earthquake erupted in Sunnydale before he could finish, and the church he was in sunk into the ground. So I guess he's stuck underground in this church, and he's kept inside it by this force-field type thingy, so he can't leave without gaining sufficient power to overcome it. Which is where the Harvest comes in. So, the Harvest is a special ceremony that can be done once every so and so years, and in this case, one vampire will act as a vessel for the other, so that whatever they drink will nourish the one that can't be there. Make sense? I still don't really get it either. Basically, the Master is trying to gain enough power to escape his sub-terranean church-prison, so he appoints someone his vessel, and then that vampire will drink enough to replenish the Master.

The Master chooses Luke to be his vessel, and does this appointing ceremony that kind of reeks of homoeroticism - I mean, Luke bites/drinks the Master's wrist, then they both throw their heads back in some kind of sensation, then there's this whole "Tonight we are one, you are my soul," I'm 98% sure that Luke even says "My body is your instrument" at one point and I can't be the only one who sees a lot of subtext in there. This would be one of the scenes that become a lot funnier on the rewatch.

Anyways, vampires hit the Bronze, kill a couple people but not a whole lot because here comes the Slayer, and she's gonna kick yo ass. I still love how Buffy ends up killing Luke - she literally distracts him by making him think there's daylight, so he gets all dramatic and cowering, hissing and screaming, then she stakes him while saying one of my favourites: "It's in about nine hours, dumbass."

While this is happening, Vamp-Jesse is harassing Cordelia - I think he's trying to bite her, but they really set it up in a does-this-remind-you-of-anything-else kind of way, with her struggling on the ground while he's on top of her, holding her - I think you see what I'm getting at. Anyways, Xander jumps in with a stake, and it's so sad because he so doesn't want to do it. Jesse manages to get in a couple venomous remarks about what a loser he was before, and how being a vampire rocks and he doesn't care about him or Willow anymore. Xander's holding the stake at Jesse's heart, but doesn't really have the heart to do it, and I kind of appreciate what the writers did here, because someone pushes Jesse from behind in their rush to get out, and pushes him into the stake, dusting him. This is one of those things again, because I laughed at that before, but suddenly I just see that the writers were saving Xander from having to be totally responsible for killing his friend.

But this is what I've really been wanting to get at. Because the loss of Jesse, no matter how insignificant he was to the viewers, continues to affect Xander's character for literally the entire series. They never bring him up by name again, but this is the root of it all. Because Xander never gives a vampire a chance. Not ever. He detests Angel, even when he's on their team, and he loathes Spike even more. And people always hate on Xander for this, but this is where it starts. His best friend was murdered by vampires, and then turned against him, forcing him to kill one of his best friends. Giles even told him, "When you see Jesse, you're not looking at your friend. You're looking at the thing that killed him." So, I mean, can you blame him? People seem to attribute his hatred of vampires to some kind of fantastic racism, but it has a lot more to do with "looking at the thing that killed him". There's quite a bit of depth to Xander that people overlook. I love Xander, and I will defend him on this point to the end.

So, adventure over, everyone at school apparently thinks that that huge vampire attack was a gang fight. Which is funny, because whenever ANYTHING demonic happens in Sunnydale they write it off as a gang fight. Like, how much gang-fighting can there possibly be in a "one Starbucks town like Sunnydale"? The Scooby Gang are congratulating themselves, Giles gets giddy at the idea of what other demons might turn up on the Hellmouth (Giles is just awesome), and then Buffy, Willow and Xander start talking about the bright side, which is that they could always get kicked out of school. Giles turns away with the line that kills me every time: "The earth is doomed." Which is interesting upon reflection, because something very similar happens in the last episode of the series, where we're back down to Buffy, Willow and Xander, and they start talking about what they're going to do tomorrow after this final battle, maybe go shopping or something, and Giles turns away and says, "The earth is definitely doomed." I love the book-ends.

Oh, on an amusing note, you can so tell that the vampire make-up was still kind of being developed. It's just really amusing to listen to all these vampires lisping their way through their lines around the big fangs in their mouths. "Hith blood ith pure!" Makes me laugh.

Now, I'm going to do a quick comparison to the original, unaired pilot which is easy to find on Youtube. Because.... they're basically the same. The original is twenty minutes shorter, and it's not a two-parter. But the opening scene is exactly the same. The casting is all exactly the same as well, except for a fat-girl-best-friend version of Willow who sounds like she's reading her lines for the first time. And some conversations are even exactly the same.

There are some things I preferred in the unaired version to the actual one, though. Like, how it shows Xander and Buffy bonding as they point out all the different cliques in the school. I really enjoyed that, because it's funny, and gives Buffy and Xander a less awkward start to their friendship. Also, the unaired version gave Buffy a lot of different reasons to want to avoid slaying, besides not having a social life, which is nice because it makes her seem much less shallow about it. But, on the other hand, the actual aired pilot is better simply because it gives a better understanding of how the show is really going to be. Comedy, horror, action. Buffy, vampire, slayer. The original focused a lot more on the comedy aspect of it, which was great because it was funny, but as a result, it just felt like one of those high school dramedies that are about a dime a dozen, where things happen, but it's all light and nothing has any weighty consequences. And then, in the actual one, a friend died. Which is different. And I like it better like that, because I've always liked that Buffy was a show that could deal with actual issues in a way that felt real. So, some things would have been nice to keep in, but undoubtedly the actual one is better. On a side note, you've gotta appreciate that even in the unaired pilot they mention a band called Dingoes Ate My Baby, which was the band that Oz, who would later become Willow's boyfriend 'round season 2-ish, was the guitarist for.

Now, this is something a little different, but there's this person online who calls herself "The Buffy Virgin" because she never watched the show when it was on, and now she's watching it for the first time and writing her thoughts on each episode as she sees them. She makes some points, which are valid, and others which are just shallow, and I will probably make it a habit to reply to the points that annoy me, while leaving the ones that I either agree with or find uninteresting. Starting now.

Okay, she talks about being excited about seeing actors she recognizes, she talks about 90s fashion, no arguments so far, and then...

Okay, first of all, I concede that Whedon admittedly has a thing for, shall we say, unique names. Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, Angel, Spike, River, Mal, Wash, Inara, the man they call Jayne, the girl they call Fred, I could go on. But it is with purpose. This isn't something I've heard on commentary or anything, this is my own theory/observation, but I believe that if the characters have names that stick in your memory, then the characters themselves will stick in your memory more easily - because you've got to associate the name with something. You NOTICE names like Buffy, and Willow, and Cordelia, and so when you think of them, you're thinking of the character also. And knowing the character is a really big step into getting invested in the character. I think it's a clever device.

Second of all, what the heck's wrong with the name Xander? Whatever.

And there's nothing more of real interest that she wrote for the first two episodes, so yes, that is it.

Thank you for joining me - or enduring - or skipping over - my first adventure in the realm of the rewatch. This was a lot longer than I expected it to be, but in my defense, it was two episodes. Anyways, until next time.

This is going to be fun.

Music, Passion, Risks and Togetherness

I recently went to band/choir camp with my school music department, as well as the music department of another high school nearby. I was a little anxious, and a little excited, and just generally didn't know what it was going to be like.

It turned out to be some of the most fun I've ever had with my school ever - and that includes last year's 24-hour drum, and that was a blast!

The camp took place way high up in the mountains, in a beautiful place with hills and a lake and mountains and hundreds of deer everywhere. It was an absolute gorgeous place. We were there for two sleeps, and about two and a half days. And boy, the amount of stuff you can fit into two and half days.

First of all, on the first night of the camp, one of the teachers went in front of the group and talked about making music, and what a wonderful oppurtunity this was, and how excited she was for the trip, blah blah blah. Then she said something that kind of stuck with me through the weekend, and that was that she wanted us to take risks while we were here. And I thought about it. I thought about some artists that I admire. And I decided I was going to try to take risks. I was going to try to scare myself a little bit. Because being shy and timid is all fine and good when you're in a classroom environment, but this was outside at a camp full of friendly people who all shared a passion for the same thing, and part of being an artist is taking risks. So my goal for that weekend was to try to take some risks, and do some things I wouldn't normally do. Which I think is fair to say that I accomplished that.

I went ziplining.

This doesn't sound like all that big a deal, until you realize that I have a crippling fear of heights that prevents me from looking out over balconies or even sitting on railings without my heart beating too hard and fast. So ziplining out high above the (three storey) buildings, and eventually out over the lake even, is kind of a big deal for me. (I really wanted to do it again after it was done, but we could only go once because reasons). I think it's fair to say that's the biggest risk I took that weekend, and I'm extremely proud of it.

I just found that being able to bond with people over a common love of music was one of the most profound experiences I've had. Hell, I'd barely even talked to Seren (a girl in my band) before Rockridge, and by the end of the weekend we were acting like we'd known each other for years. Honestly, I've never bonded with people that quickly before, and sure, part of it was the fact that everyone was there and together, but I think a lot of it had to do with the music, and the common passion for it.

One of the clinicians who was there, Mr. Sparks, he talked about how he'd gone to Africa to work with a boy's choir down there. As usual, there was a lot of political stuff going on in Africa, a sort of civil war happening in this case. Anyways, as he watched the boy's choir singing, he noticed that two of the boys were holding hands. He asked the conductor why they were doing that. It turns out, those two boys were from the two communities that were fighting, that were killing each other. And they sang together, and they held each other's hands in what I like to think of as something a bit more meaningful than a peace offering.

Music is an art form, and as such, it shows a vulnerability in people that you don't always see. It's so much easier to accept and befriend each other when you can't judge each other for their art. Because, in a group where it's all happening together in unison, their art=your art= everyone's art. And especially when everyone loves it, you just can't be judgmental. It's actually not possible.

There was one thing that happened that weekend that I think everyone loved. It was called the Talent Show - it was more like open mic. Before it happened, the snack bar had been opened, and the camp had this huge sundae they called the Pinnacle - eight scoops of ice cream, four toppings, the works. The teachers had of course been encouraging us to share it with each other. So, naturally, me and Seren went "Screw that, we're each going to get one for ourselves." So we each got an eight-scoop-four-topping sundae. People stopped and stared. Mr. A, the student teacher, and one of my favourite chaperones simply because he acted more like a student, asked us what the cost of diabetes was. "About thirty bucks," we replied. And then came the Talent Show.

We were both high on ice cream, but Seren raised our hands when Ms. Ottens asked who wanted to go up. First up was Santiago (I think that's how you spell his name), who played a song he wrote on his guitar and sang along, and was actually really talented and good. Cameron did a magic show. Then we went up there.

"Sorry if we don't know what we're doing, we just ate a Pinnacle each," Seren began.

"And that's our talent, thank you, goodnight," I joked, pretending to walk offstage. Seren pulled me back.

"So," Seren began, doing the talking, "we thought that tonight we'd do some family bonding."

I chuckled. That was one way to put it.

"We think you'll enjoy it," Seren continued, "and that'll it'll really pull us together as a group."

Spotting the piano off to the side, I said, before I realized I was saying it, "I think I'll play it on piano."

Seren looked at me, surprised. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I sat down at the keyboard. I remembered the first chord, at least.... "I mean, it's been a while, so I'll probably forget, but I'll try."

"Okay," Seren turned to our waiting audience, "so, if Megan forgets..."

"Don't worry, Megan!" called Caleb, "it's the piano's fault!"

I laughed. "Thanks Caleb!" I called back.

Seren looked at me. "How are we going to start this?"

"We didn't really prepare, in case you haven't noticed," I said to our audience with a grin.

"How do we start?" Seren asked.

I went simple. "1....2.... 3.... 4...." I played the first chord and we began singing. "Is this the real life...?"

Immediately every teenager in the room whooped and cheered for Bohemian Rhapsody before beginning to sing along. Which was probably good, since I forgot the rest of the piano part about three chords in. I stayed at the piano trying to figure out where we were. I managed to play one part of the piano part, which made people happy as they sang along. As I ran with what I remembered I forgot about the Bb in the key signature and played a ridiculously obvious wrong note. I must have grimaced or something onstage because a significant amount of people, including Mr. A, burst out laughing as the rest of them continued to sing, choosing not to care about the wrong note.

When we got to the part with the guitar solo between the opera bit and the slow bit, I attempted to play it on piano, but it had been made pretty clear that I had no idea what I was doing, so Caleb and Sam began to sing/shout the tune of the guitar solo from the crowd. I sang along with them. Eventually Han, the choir piano player, ran up to help us, searching for the Bohemian Rhapsody sheet music in his box to help me out. I spotted it before he did, since it was the same as my own, and whipped it out of the box. Ms. Ottens rushed up to the stage with a music stand (one of the only ones on the property, by the way - for a music camp, you'd think we'd remember to bring music stands along, but noooooooo), and I adjusted the music on the stand, and the stand to my height.

It didn't really help though. By that point we were halfway through the opera bit, and there was no way I was catching up by that point. I gave up, standing up from the keyboard and singing along with Seren and, well, every other teenager in the room. I moved my arms dramatically, and it became exceedingly obvious that me and Seren had absolutely nothing planned as we both sang both the low part and the high part - and with that it became exceedingly obvious that no one cared if we'd planned it or not, because everyone was having too much fun, singing both parts themselves. Eventually we got to the other guitar solo, and this time everyone sang it, even though I did attempt to sit down and play it on the piano again. I screwed up, gave up, stood back up, and acted dramatic as everyone sang along, having the time of their lives. Eventually the rock portion was over, and I at least remembered the beginning of the epilogue to this song, so I sat back down at the piano, whipped the pages of the sheet music over to the part I would attempt to sight-read, and as everyone quieted, I began to play.

And the keyboard made an ugly, tinny noise that I'd never heard come out of a keyboard before.

Again, I must have made a face or something, because everyone in the room burst out laughing. I looked up, shaking my head with a grin on my face. "I have no idea what noise that was," I said. As everyone laughed, me and Seren seemed to decide simultaneously that the moment had ended, and we walked offstage, giggling with each other.

What followed the rest of the talent show was a lot of Riverside kids going up and showing their stuff, having just as much fun as we did while we were on the stage. A group of choir kids went up with a mentally challenged girl who loved Frozen, and they backed her up in a round of the song Let It Go from the movie (if you don't know that song - I mean, have you been living under a rock?) and made her feel so great, then a group went up calling themselves Ugly and the Sweaters, inviting anyone to dance and sing along. Immediately me and Seren stood up, brushing ourselves off, so ready to dance you have no idea.

What I couldn't help but notice was that, as everyone at Riverside had the time of their lives and rocked and grooved our hearts out, the music department from Heritage Woods just sat and watched us, not moving, not grooving, I couldn't even tell if they were singing along. As we later found out from them, that school is apparently super clique-y, and so if any of them had gone up and acted the way we had, they would have been judged immediately and harshly by their peers. Which makes me so intensely grateful for the wonderful people we have in the Riverside music department, how friendly and kind and unjudgmental we/they are.

Later that night we were gathered around the campfire, me, Seren, Caleb, and a few others, (Caleb glady told us that me and Seren had "torn down the house" in the Talent Show) singing any and every campfire song that crossed our minds - hits included The Campfire Song Song, and I think it was called Baby Shark? Whatever, it was fun, no matter how eye-rolly some other people were getting with us (good-natured eye-rolling for the most part, mind you). Mr. A told a scary story, or what he told us was a scary story, and I couldn't help but laugh (and join in) as everyone screamed and howled dramatically when he got to the part where the characters didn't have WiFi.

I'd never felt so much a part of a cohesive group, and I think that a large part, if not the single biggest part, of that was because we bonded over a common love of music. I love that music can do this, bring people together and make one friends with people they never thought they'd be friends with. I love this about music, I love that people love music, I love the togetherness I felt at that camp, and I love that being together and so wonderful to each other can help us take risks and face fears. It's all connected, and that was some of the most fun I'd ever had.

Not part of my thesis point, but some amusing anecdotes from band camp:

The first night we were there, before me and Seren had really talked, she goodnaturedly made fun of someone in our group. I waited for the moment and turned the same teasing back on her. The next exchange went something like this.

Seren: You better sleep with one eye open.

Me: *laughing*

Seren: When we get back to the cabin, you're getting a pillow to the face.

Me: *giggling hysterically*

Seren: This is not the usual reaction when people threaten you.

Me: *still giggling*

Seren: Megan, are you on drugs? Do you do the mari-ju-wanas?

Me: I do ALL the mari-ju-wanas!

She burst out laughing, called me a weenie, and we're still in verbal battle to this day.

She then spent a good portion of the evening reciting to everyone the worst fan-fiction ever written, in her flawless derp voice. It was some of the funniest stuff I'd ever heard.

We stayed up until one thirty in the morning that first night, me, Seren, Courtney, Aileen, Kianna, Sora, and Meegan all piled onto the top bunk, talking well into the night. Meegan was the last one up, and I can tell you, pulling her up onto that bunk with all the rest of us already squashed up there was a bit of an ordeal.

We played Capture the Flag the next day. Or, we tried to. The other team found our flag within three minutes, and had brought it back over within ten. Then, when we switched sides, we played for over half and hour, and to our frustration, our team still had absolutely no idea where the other team's flag was. We'd scouted all over the place, and when we asked them, they didn't seem to have any idea themselves - the general consensus was that someone was wandering around with it in his pocket, thinking they were clever. Eventually the game was stopped and everyone was sent back up. Turns out, the flag had been blown away by the wind somehow, and they spent a good half hour searching for it. Never found it. This story amuses me greatly.

Then there was the games of mafia/werewolves that took place. Those were hilarious and awesome. I should win an Oscar for the performance I put on, pretending not to be one of the werewolves. Also, if people do end up living on the moon, they should take a lesson from us, and name their city Saskamoon.

All in all, the trip was great, I loved it, and I'm glad I went.

Angel, or "Oh yeah, that other vampire."

[Because, you know, we need to counter all the Spike posts with something.]

Angel is not my favourite Buffyverse vampire.

This shouldn't surprise anyone that knows me. Angel is very broody. He's very gloomy. He's a bit of a drama queen. Which would be fine, if he wasn't like that ALL THE FREAKING TIME. He's never funny. Never happy. His "love" with Buffy was something that I found far too Romeo and Juliet to buy. All he ever does is mope around, find Buffy, decide that they can't be together, find Buffy again, kiss a bit, then cry because they shouldn't have done that because they can't be together. It was extremely boring. It was extremely irritating. And it always seemed unnecessary, as well. Whenever a scene between Buffy and Angel came up, I always hoped it would be over quick so that we could get back to the plot, maybe a scene with Xander in it to counter the doom and gloom.

Or at least, that was Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer-Angel. After he left that show (because, guess what, he and Buffy can't be together - what a shock, right?) he got his own spin-off, apty titled "Angel", which I expected to be just as boring and dark as the character.

But then.... it wasn't.

In the show's first episode, it was very funny. The first scene has him drunkenly telling someone next to him at the bar about a great girl he had (obviously Buffy), and that they reminded him of her. Because of the hair.

Then it cuts to the person in question, who is a large bald black man. Which made me laugh very hard.

Then along comes Doyle, a character with Whedon's signature brand of humour written all over him. And Cordelia, the Sunnydale biotch/airhead, moved to L.A to become an actress, who somehow teams up with Angel and Doyle. It's very funny.

And then there's Spike's monologue in the third episode of the series, which makes me giggle every single flippin' time I listen to it (just watch the first clip, that's the one I'm talking about. Or watch the others. I find it all pretty damn hilarious):

Anyways.

It was also dark and broody. The difference is, they took it in moderation with this show, which I think is the key. Angel has his broody moments - he destroys the gem of Amarra, which is the only way he can go out in sunlight, because he doesn't think he deserves it. Doyle even references this.

Doyle: You got a real addiction to the brooding part of life. Anyone ever tell you that?

Angel: Once or twice. 

But again, they keep his brooding in moderation. And at first I thought the only reason I could stand Angel's show was because of the supporting characters - first Doyle, who's to date one of the characters closest to my heart, and Cordelia, who never fails as the reality check. As Whedon puts it, they needed someone to tell them that they're stupid and it wasn't going to work, and that's Cordelia's job. Which she does quite well. Then Wesley, who starts out quite dorkish and funny and slowly evolves into this dark badass who's no stranger to the brooding part of life himself. Gunn, a street kid and a kind of freelance vampire hunter who ends up working with/for Angel. Fred, this adorkable little girl - with some badass skills that kept her alive in a hell dimension for five years. Lorne, a demon from said hell dimension, who left his dimension because they had no music. He's ridiculously flambuoyant, and despite the fact that all they do in his home dimension is battle and hunt, he's not exactly a fighter, but oh, if he hits that high note, you're out for the count (believe it or not, that weapon's pulled out of his arsenal more than once).

My point being, the supporting characters are kind of the best part of the show - they're interesting, layered, and they all have their moments of badass as well as moments of funny, so understandably, I thought that they were the reason I liked the show, and that it had nothing to do with Angel. But the fact is, they tweaked Angel's character when they decided to give him his own show. It's subtle, but it's there, and it makes the series a lot more bearable.

What always bugged me on Buffy was that Angel was supposedly alone for almost a hundred years already (I think thereabouts - he was with Darla for the century where he was evil and alone for a century, I think), but then as soon as he meets Buffy he just can't be without her. And since the show(s) were in all other aspects about strength, and standing strong even if that means standing strong by yourself, needless to say, I found the dependency a little irritating. Especially because there was a whole lot of crying and whining and all that stuff and little to no scenes in which it shows the two characters actually enjoying each other's company or giving a real reason to be in love in the first place. I always found it hard to believe. (This is the same problem I have with most "tragic" love stories, namely Romeo and Juliet, as well as Marius and Cosette from Les Mis, and countless others). But I digress.

So what I really liked was that, on Angel, it shows that he doesn't always need to be the handsome dark stranger, which is a lot of what he was on Buffy. See, my problem with his character on Buffy was that his character wasn't developed much beyond loving the title character and having a horrifically dark past.

Oh hold on.

I haven't explained Angel's whole thing, have I?

Angel's Whole Thing: Vampires don't have souls. Angel does. But he wasn't always that way. Before he was a vampire, he was kind of a good-for-nothing who would just get drunk and flirt and all that. Then Darla shows up and offers to show him the world, to which he immediately agrees, which prompts Darla (who is a vampire) to turn him vampy. To Darla's surprise, this good-for-nothing of a person turns out to be much more productive as a vampire. And of course by productive I mean he was the worst of the worst. He wouldn't just kill and drink people, he would kill their whole family first, mentally (or maybe physically) torture them a bit, THEN kill them. He actually gave himself the name "Angelus", because when his little sister saw him at their door, apparently returned from the grave, she thought he was an angel. Then he killed her. And the rest of the family. So he and Darla, who kinda became his vampire girlfriend, traveled the world, wreaking havoc - Angelus sired Drusilla (not before stalking her, killing everyone she loved, slaughtering every nun at the convent she was at and driving her totally, unspeakably insane) who then sired Spike, and they were a bit of a gang, and I think it's implied somewhere that they actually caused the Boxer Rebellion in China. Anyways, somewhere along the line Angelus kills a gypsy girl, so the gypsies curse him with a soul. So now he's haunted by all the people he'd ever killed as Angelus, which is a whole freaking lot, which drives him a little cuckoo for a century or so, until eventually he decides that he can't just wallow (though, again, he does a lot of that), he has to actively atone. Except, whoops - this was where phlebotinum kinda overtook logic for a while here, because the gypsy curse doesn't make any sense - if Angel has one moment of true happiness, his soul gets taken away from him, and he becomes Angelus again. So, y'know, not good. But that's a crash course in Angel's history.

Sidebar: Liam was the human name of Angel (who was originally Irish). William was the human name of Spike (who was obviously English, duh). Which, if you're nerdy like me, you would know that Liam is actually the Irish mutation of the name William. I figured out before that Spike and Angel were supposed to contrast each other and be each other's counterparts, but man, the writers were THINKING when they made this show, eh? I just thought that was a really clever thing to drop in there and it makes me very happy.

So anyways, what was I talking about? Oh right - why I actually enjoy the show Angel even though I hated the character on Buffy. The main reason being that they developed the character Angel beyond the tragic love story. Actually, they kinda make fun of themselves on Angel about the Buffy drama - there's a clip where Wesley and Cordelia start mocking it. It's pretty great. And accurate. Lemme see if I can find it... found it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzr7JSUIIQE

But what I find interesting about Angel is that they didn't tweak the character all that much. It's just that being away from Buffy made him that much more interesting. And when he got a love interest on his own show - namely Cordelia, whoops, spoiler, sorry not sorry - it wasn't anything like the Buffy drama. And I like to think this is because Cordelia had a sense of humour, and she was also a lot less traditionally nice (she will not let a thought cross her brain without saying it out loud). Whenever Angel started to get all broody and wallow-y, Cordelia would jump in, all like, "Don't give me that crap, what good are you going to do whining in a shadowy corner ya big baby?" whereas Buffy would sink into that stupor with him which would inevitably make me go UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -

Anyways.

At the same time, what we've learned about Angel by now is that you cannot leave the guy alone for any length of time. He totally leans on everyone around him, even though he's supposedly the leader, which sounds wimpy, but I find it an interesting character trait, and it's not one he had on Buffy, because on Buffy he was never left alone for any length of time. But when he left Buffy, he was gettin' drunk and ranting to large bald black men about how they reminded him of his little blonde cheerleader girlfriend. When he isolated himself from his friends later in the series - he fired Cordelia and Wesley and Gunn because they rightfully believed him to be acting like a moron who lost the point of their mission in the first place - he went pretty dark, showing that there was a fine line between Angelus and Angel. He locked a group of lawyers in a room with a bunch of vampires who wanted to massacre them all. He not only let the massacre happen, he ensured it, because the lawyers in question were working for a firm owned by demons who insisted on constantly screwing with him. And then he slept with Darla in an attempt to lose his soul. Point being, you cannot leave the guy alone for any length of time without him turning into a reckless idiot.

Endearing trait? Well, no, not in the traditional sense. As a character, though, it makes him a lot more interesting, and therefore easier to watch. (You may have noticed by my endless character studies of Spike that the more interesting/conflicted/layered a character is, the more I like them. I don't just love Spike 'cause he's hilariously snarky, after all - though it does help).

They also allowed themselves to have a sense of humour with Angel on his own show, which also makes it much more fun to watch. There are times when Angel goes from being dead serious to childishly petty. Which is pretty hilarious. (Seriously, don't call him a eunuch. Sure, he can't have sex without the danger of losing his soul and going nightmarishly evil, but he's not a eunuch! The curse wasn't even that clear!) (Also, he started it. The whole having a soul. Before it the was the cool new thing.) [Pssst - italics means quotes]. Also, they comment on Angel's singing ability multiple times, since he often needs to know his "path", and Lorne can read it in his aura if he sings. Hilarity ensues. Apparently Angel has a soft spot for Barry Manilow.

Can I talk about David Boreanaz (the guy who plays Angel) for a moment? Because he is not by any means the most impressive actor in the Buffyverse, or even on his own show - that can go to Sarah Michelle Gellar, Alexis Denisof, James Marsters - but there is one thing he does extremely well. And that is that he can make the switch from Angel to Angelus, and you CAN NOT them. There is not a hint of the one in the other. And I find that very impressive. Think about it - somber, quiet, broody, and of course the word that apparently no one gets sick of using, a "champion" - to a sadistic, nasty, egotistical, evil, not to mention snarky, supervillain. That can't be an easy switch to pull off, but boy does he. He also makes Angelus very fun to watch.

You don't have to watch all, or any, of this video, but I think it accurately illustrates what I found so great about Angelus, and David Boreanaz's portrayal of the character.

Just sayin', David Boreanaz doesn't usually impress me to the point where I'm really admiring his acting (like the people I mentioned before - can I add Anthony Stewart Head to that list as well? And Amy Acker?), but when he switches to Angelus, you have to give him credit, because wow.

But, in all honesty, Angel doesn't make the show. It's Team Angel that makes the show. This consists of Angel (duh), Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, Fred, and Lorne. Honestly, without the supporting characters, this show would be nothing. As mentioned before, they're everything that stops Angel from turning into a reckless idiot. They're also the heart, the brain, and every other thing you can think of for the show.

Also, their existence supports the whole theme of the show that it started with in the beginning with Doyle. The theme being that Angel needs to stop just saving lives and start saving souls, and he did that for every character, I think. He successfully turned Cordelia from being a shallow airhead into someone who could believably be good enough to be called up to become a power-that-be. Wesley, well, Wesley kinda went to a bad place after he got his throat slit and Angel tried to smother him to death - can you blame him for going to that bad place? - but hello, there's that other theme: atonement. And Angel gave Wesley the oppurtunity to atone - granted, it took him a bit of time, but he got there, and nevermind that, before all that stuff happened, Angel gave Wesley a purpose, a way to make the world better after he got fired from the Watcher's Council. He enlighted Gunn about the shades of grey involved in the good versus evil fight, which Gunn had previously been ignoring, and in doing so, made Gunn a better person for it. (The phrase "shades of grey" is never going to be usable again, is it? Goddamnit.) He saved Fred from a hell dimension and rehabilitated her to this dimension when she was too scared to venture outside and too shy (and incomprehensible) to talk to anyone else. So there's that.

And, okay, Lorne was never specifically saved by Angel, but can I just express my love for Lorne for a moment? He brightens up the show like no one else can. It's also hilarious, because he's a green demon with horns who dresses like Don Cherry, and when people first watch a later episode of the show and they're all taking care of Lorne because people sort of went digging around in his brain (literally)... my Dad literally went "What the hell is this?" and it made me laugh really hard. Also, Lorne makes me laugh. He's a lot like Cordelia, in that he's all about the good and can be pretty stubborn, he's a voice of reason, and has his moments of snark, but he's more flamboyant and a hundred times more... gentle. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Anyways, I just love him. I cheered when I finally saw him in the opening theme, because he so deserved it and it meant he was here to stay (of course then I remembered that this was a Joss Whedon show and that it probably actually meant that he was going to die really quick - I've been wrong so far, though!).

But anyways. Team Angel is fun, and Angel makes a good leader for them, in spite of my previous judgments about him. I guess Angel's just better as a lead character than a supporting character.

Now hold on - why is that, I wonder?

I think it's because Angel needs support. Seriously, like I said, he's nothing when he's alone. He needs people around him to keep him grounded. Which means that he kind of fails as a supporting character, as the purpose of a supporting character is to help round out the lead, which as far as I'm concerned, he didn't really do that for Buffy. A broody, (yet impulsive) character like Angel rounds out no one, because he needs rounding out.

Analysis is fun.

And finally, it has nothing to do with the character itself, but listen to the theme song. Because it's actually very pretty music. I may just be getting more sensitive to music, but in a totally non-fangirly way, like, as I was skeptically watching the first episode, the theme song was a piece of music that touched me.

The actual full, three-minute song is even prettier, but the excerpt they use as the theme song is a good taste of it. It's called Sanctuary by Darling Violetta, if you wanna look it up.

Look, there are not many spin-offs of great TV shows that are remotely worth watching. But Angel is not only a good show, it is, in its own darker way, equally as good as Buffy. Where Buffy is full of themes that are told through metaphors and symbolism, Angel is much darker, and not just because Angel can only go out at night. Angel gets more into the nitty gritty of good and evil, the shades of grey involved (nope, still not usable), and there was even a very thought-provoking arc in the fourth season about the cost of world peace versus free will. Which was, for a geek like me, a real treat. And both shows have incredible character development. I just love them both equally for different reasons. If you watch Buffy, watch Angel as well. Preferably, as soon as you start the fourth season of Buffy, start the first season of Angel. The more in sync it is, the more fun, because cross-overs happen more than once.

So in conclusion, Angel is a quality show, and not a terrible character either. Yeah, I'm just as surprised as you are.

Spike's Character Study: Part 4

I know. I know. Get off my back. Oh yeah, and by the way, major spoileriest kind of spoilers. Also, fair warning: this is really freakin' long.

It's just that THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IN SEASON SEVEN I CAN'T EVEN

Spike has made some major leaps since we left off. Where did we leave off? Season 6? Once More With Feeling? I think so. Which means last we saw Spike (on this blog) he was kissing Buffy at the end of the spectacular musical episode.

Well it's not quite that anymore.

Short summary of what's happened since: he and Buffy had a bit of a fling, in which Buffy hated herself so much that she'd sleep with Spike to feel something, which resulted in more self-loathing, and eventually Buffy had to stop it or else who knows what would have happened. But Spike isn't exactly one to passively accept something like that (he once threatened to kill Xander if Willow didn't magic Drusilla into getting back together with him... I kinda miss that version of Spike. It was so much more light-hearted). Anyways, he very nearly hurts Buffy in a way that would have been irreversible, unforgivable - anyways, he seriously crossed a line. Which woke him up to what a monster he was, so he traveled all the way to Africa to "get back to the way he was before". Which makes the audience go "Uh oh, he's getting the chip out of his head! Not the chip! It's the only thing stopping him from killing everyone!" Except nothing, no chip, was extracted. In fact, something was given to him. No undoing it. Guess what was given to him. Just give it a shot.

It was a soul.

He'd sought out a soul so he could be better for Buffy.

What he DIDN'T account for was something that would have been pretty obvious to anyone familiar with Angel's story, and that's that acquiring a soul after murdering countless hundreds of people since the Victorian era can be pure torture.

Basically, in the Buffyverse, a soul constitutes everything that would have made someone feel remorse or guilt about bad things they've done, or the little voice that would have stopped you from doing the thing in the first place. So suddenly getting one after centuries of carelessly doing awful, awful things can and does drive Spike (and before him, Angel) insane.

Sorry, not relevant to the character himself, but this actor. James Marsters is the man. He's just so convincing as an actor, plays Spike and all his moods brilliantly. He's just awesome. There could be no better Spike. Such a great actor. Also, did I mention that he isn't even actually British? I mean, he didn't achieve the accent without help (from Anthony Stewart Head, who is actually British), but still. Pretty goddamn convincing.

And the way he plays Spike for his moods. So good. So so sooooo good. You should see the look Spike has on his face when he's about to attack Buffy and suddenly remembers all the people he's killed. It's heartwrenching. Which is what makes it so brilliant. Amazing actor. Shame he's not in more stuff.

Anyways. This post is mostly going to be about Spike's soul, and the effects that has on him and his character. So...

Spike has a soul now. Which does a fantastic job of driving him insane. He spends the first, what, five episodes of the next season huddled in the school basement talking to people who aren't there. And then Buffy saves him (a constant message of Buffy is that high schools are just bad news - it is the residence of the Hellmouth. Basically, Joss Whedon is literally saying that high school is hell) from the basement and puts him in Xander's apartment, which doesn't make Xander happy but seems to put Spike in a better state of mind.

This is apparently what Spike's alter ego looks like - y'know, when he's not being Captain Peroxide.  This look didn't last very long ( less than half an episode). I guess it's hard to take care of your hair when you're being driven insane by the ghosts of the people you murdered through a couple centuries. Also when you can't see yourself in the mirror. 

And then the First comes a callin'.

I don't really recall what the First is. It did appear once like five seasons ago or something like that, and I think it's evil. No, like the original, first evil. The ESSENCE of evil. It's the Big Bad of this season, anyways, and it has apparently recruited Spike to, guess what, do some evil for it. It can control him and stuff. I'm mostly mentioning this because a lot of the time, the First appears to Spike as himself, and once again, James Marsters just pulls it off so well.

Look at the evil. And then at the pain. My feelings are feeling many feelings. 

Actually, know what? Let's talk about Spike and the First. Things happen.

Basically the First manages to ...basically hypnotize Spike into killing a lot of people, which he shouldn't be able to do because of his soul and the chip which, by the way, is still functional (except, for some reason, the chip doesn't register Buffy as a person, which was a huge plot point of the last season, but anyways). It's able to do this because, at the moment, Spike is pretty vulnerable to mental manipulation. Y'know, since he's been going insane in the school basement and stuff.

The whole thing with the First is it often appears to people in the form of loved ones (usually dead, but not always) in order to manipulate people into doing its bidding. So it first appears to Spike as Buffy, for obvious reasons. But then, when Spike starts to realize what's going on and tries to warn Buffy, the First appears to Spike as himself. I find this odd, since later it appears to him as either Buffy or Drusilla, since they were the two people he loved, but never again as himself. Also, interestingly enough, the First is most often taking the form of a female, but that's another rant altogether. (I think it has to do with the fact that the ratio of females to males on this show is pretty heavily leaning to one side).

I was thinking about this, and my first thought was that it appears to Spike as himself because that's how self-centered Spike is, where that's the only person he would ever let himself listen to. And maybe in past seasons that would have been true - season 4, and a bit of 5, for instance, but even in season 2 he had Drusilla.

But that's not even the point. It's not a matter of who else he has. The fact is that, at the moment, Spike hates himself. Yet another effect of recieving the soul. How could he not, after reliving over and over all the people he murdered in cold blood? (Haha, cold blood.... because he's dead...) So my question is why does the First appear to him as himself? What does it achieve by that form, when it could easily have picked Drusilla, who was someone Spike loved, and also someone who never failed to bring out a more twisted side of him?

And I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I think it's actually symbolic of Spike's struggle against the monster inside him. Because you see, this version of the First is the only form that Spike actively resists. When it was Buffy goading him to kill people, he did it. And later, when it appears to him as either Drusilla or Buffy, while he never submits to it, he doesn't really fight back that much either. But when it appears to him as himself, he actually manages to snap out of his hypnotic-like trance-thingy long enough to allow Buffy to escape (which provokes the First to convince Spike Buffy will now stake him.... she doesn't, of course, but still, it's heartbreaking, really). I was looking back at the episode - some things are just good enough to look back at it right away - and the way he tells the First "You're not here," with so much desperation in his voice, but quietly so Buffy can't hear him... he's trying to fight it, y'know?

And I do honestly think it's symbolism. What else could it be, really? Spike struggling with his new soul and being good, tempted into evil by someone who appears to him as himself, but is actually a monster. Even though the First is the Big Bad of the season, the writers obviously took the chance to make a point with it. The show is chock-full of things like this, and I love it. The thing is, Spike may have a soul now, but he's still a vampire. He still has that monster inside him. True, it's been subdued because of the chip, but that doesn't mean it isn't there, or that he doesn't have to fight it (this was addressed with much more detail in the Angel series...).

So yeah. Those are my thoughts on that.

Obviously there's more to Spike's character than the people the First manipulates him with, though. Especially considering that, oh yeah, HE GOT A SOUL FOR BUFFY UM WHAT YEAH

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT A LITTLE BIT SHALL WE

Right. So he comes back to Sunnydale with a soul. Driven out of his mind with guilt. And all to be a better man for Buffy. He literally gave up everything that made it enjoyable to be a vampire (although, to be totally fair, this was virtually already accomplished by the chip) in order to maybe be forgiven by Buffy, maybe loved by her. I suppose someone could make the argument that from his perspective, getting a soul would have made it impossible for Buffy not to take him back, but Spike was not that deluded, especially not in affairs of love. I've talked about this before, Spike is incredibly intuitive when it comes to love. He knew that after what he did there was only the microscopic chance that he would ever be allowed in her sight ever again. What he realized was that Buffy was good. And he, a soulless monster, no matter how hard he tried, was not. So he made an attempt to remedy that. Which cost him his happiness, for a while his sanity, and briefly, his free will. But it did give Buffy a chance to believe in him (which, typically heartbreaking as most Spike scenarios are, was the only thing keeping him going as the First tortured him), which frankly, was more than he could have asked for, and he knows it.

Also, while we're (back) on the subject of Spike being love's bitch, this monologue happens:

Spike: I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which does not always rush in the direction of my head. So I've made a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you -- it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.

I swear, Spike just makes me melt sometimes. Or, y'know, all the time. And, I mean, I'm just generally skeptical about TV "love" (to quote the movie Shakespeare in Love, I generally believe "Playwrights teach us nothing about love. They make it pretty, they make it comical or they make it lust, but they cannot make it true"), but when Spike says things like that you kind of have to say it's real. Even though they're fictional. IT'S REAL TO ME. 

OH OH and we discovered a little more about William (pre-vamp Spike) this season. We already knew he was a complete dork who wrote bad poetry and pined over a girl who never gave him a second glance. Now we find out that he was also a complete mama's boy. It's kind of adorable, actually. His mother was really sick with some kind of disease so William would take care of her and recite his poetry to her and he'd sit with her while she knit and she'd sing to him. It's kind of really cute. Then Drusilla turns him, and y'know what he does? He turns his mother into a vampire. Not for evil or anything, but because he doesn't want her to die, and being a vampire, you live forever. That kinda came back to bite him when she went full demon and started getting all Mommie Dearest on him.... and then to protect himself he staked her. So wow. That's baggage. (Thinking back, the whole mama's boy thing probably explains Spike's oddly affectionate relationship with Buffy's mom... the continuity on this show is just A +, man.)

Another thing I find interesting is that Spike spent, like, a few weeks in the school basement mourning the people he killed, where in contrast, Angel spent like, a hundred years doing the same thing. And I was thinking about this, and at first (forgive me oh God Whedon) I thought that this was just bad continuity, and y'know, it's hard to keep a story moving when the fan's favourite character (not to mention the most interesting and well-written one) is stuck in a basement whining. But like I just said, the continuity of the Buffyverse is A+, and I don't think the writers would make such an obvious mistake - not the same writers who foretold the day that Buffy died a season and a half in advance, not the same writers who foretold the group splitting up before anyone even knew who the villain was, and DEFINITELY not the same writers who played out a character's entire arc where she is rescued from an abusive mother addicted to power and soon becomes just like her, in only eight episodes across seven seasons. Not those writers.

So, I started thinking about why Spike's recovery took so much shorter than Angel's, and I think that there are a few differences between the cases, but I evaluate the most important one to be that Spike chose his soul. Angelus was cursed. He didn't ask for it. Spike wanted it. He nearly died trying to get it. He knew what he was signing up for. And maybe it was a little more than what he expected, but he did kind of know what was coming. So I think that because he knew what it meant to have a soul and sought it out anyways, he recovered faster. He had his soul for a purpose, so he had to eventually try to go through with that purpose.

But the other thing is that Spike and Angel are different people. I mean, duh. But the thing is, Spike doesn't dwell on the past very much. I mean, it's not like he never does, but it's not in his nature. So, yeah, he'll regret the things he did, and that whole "atonement" thing is something that I think will play pretty heavily as he continues on Angel (he shows up on Angel after season 7 of Buffy.... I foresee at least one blog post about that relationship in the not-too-distant-future). But for him, acknowledging regret for it doesn't necessarily mean he spends all his time hating himself for it. He even tells Principal Wood (an ally of the Scoobies) that he's not particularly sorry for killing his mother because he was a soulless vampire at the time, and Wood's Slayer mother knew how to play the game (though to be perfectly fair, he was kind of in a bad mood when he told Wood that due to Wood having just beaten him to a bloody pulp before the big staking). See, even after he gets his soul, he refers to the Slayer/vampire thing as a game, or a dance - and, y'know, it kinda is.

But this kinda makes me wonder if Spike just understands better than Angel the difference between having a soul and not having a soul. Because Angelus and Angel are clearly totally different characters,  but Angel still blames himself for the atrocities that Angelus committed. Spike doesn't let himself off the hook or anything - far from it - but I feel like he kinda gets the difference? His whole purpose for getting the soul was to become a better man, and Spike's a live-in-the-moment kinda guy, so I think knowing that he can be and strives to be a better man now is sorta comfort as well as a kind of mission. If that makes sense.

The other thing is that Spike didn't get all sad and boring like Angel was when he got his soul, which was kind of my other worry. Like, there's the do-nothing-feel-sorry-for-yourself phase, which as I've mentioned, was much shorter for Spike, but then there's also the fact that Angel will not let himself enjoy anything even now, as a functioning, socially productive person. And then there's Spike, who apparently hasn't lost a whole lot of his snark or attitude when he got the soul. Which is great, entertainment wise, and also very interesting, because why didn't he? And the only explanation I can come up with is that Spike already had some humanity to begin with. Not enough to, y'know, stop killing people or anything, but even way back in season 2 it was established that he had a hint of humanity when they raised the Judge and it was all "You stink of humanity" and Spike basically went "Yeah, so?" HAVE I MENTIONED THAT THE CONTINUITY ON THIS SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY EXCELLENT.

But I think the fact that he still had that humanity in him means that not all of his attitude was exclusive to the vampire, and so it was more easily retained when he got ensouled. Actually, that may also explain the quick recovery from the do-nothing-feel-sorry-for-yourself-phase..... So yeah. That's that.

Let's see, am I missing any major character things? I don't think so. In which case, let's get to the big finish:

Spike dies at the end of the series. 

I am still in mourning, and I watched the last episode about two weeks ago.

Angel shows up and gives Buffy this amulet thingy, saying that it had to be worn by someone more than human, and someone who was a champion, evidently expecting himself to be said champion. Long story short, Buffy kinda goes, "Great, thanks. See ya later," and gives the amulet to Spike instead. More than human - vampire, check. Champion - Buffy believes it. And it's really touching and all that stuff and I may or may not have teared up a little as Spike looks at Buffy giving him the amulet and says, "Been called a lot of things in my time..."

Have I mentioned my adoration for James Marsters? Because there were so many emotions in that one sentence that anything else about it after that would have been redundant.

Thing is, none of them are really all that sure what the amulet actually does. So they go into the final battle with Spike wearing it, but he doesn't really know what to expect. Then the battle happens, and Spike's fighting, but the amulet doesn't appear to be doing anything. Until suddenly: PAIN. Because apparently we can't go a single friggin' episode without Spike getting beat up, or going insane, or having massive, spontaneous pain - or, sometimes, all three. Anyways, pain. And then he starts glowing. Everyone starts sensing that this is almost the end of it, so they all rush outta there, except Buffy, who stays with him as the walls are literally crumbling around them. So first this happens:

which is a wonderful, touching image in and of itself, and then this happens:

Spike: Gotta move, lamb. I think it's fair to say school's out for the bloody summer. 

Buffy: Spike!

Spike: I mean it! I gotta do this.

Buffy: I love you.

Spike: No you don't. But thanks for saying it. Now go! I wanna see how it ends.

And then he disintegrates, whilst smirking and laughing, as the amulet closes the Hellmouth in on itself.

And I was really sad and teary and mourny and all that, but at the same time... Spike was that champion, y'know? The champion that Buffy believed him to be. He was a hero. So he earned that heroic ending. And as far as character arcs, and concluding them, go, Spike was the best one. By far. He earned everything that came his way. Who knew that a character like him could be so bloody valiant?

Oh wait, he's always been a pretty valiant character. I mean, I could bring up the time that he climbed up the tower to rescue Dawn because Buffy told him to protect her - of course, he ended up getting thrown off it, whoops, but still. Or I could bring up that time that, oh yeah, he got a soul for Buffy, have I mentioned that? 'Cause it's kind of a big deal.

Of course he's mostly only valiant like this because he's in love with Buffy, right? Hmm, well.....

Fact is, Spike is valiant when he wants to be. Like, he always has it in him. It comes out a lot more in later seasons because of his thing for Buffy. But even after Buffy died, he stayed alongside the Scoobies and fought vamps in Sunnydale with no ulterior motives whatsoever, so there's that. One could argue both sides of that one, I think.

Which, again, layers, contradiction, rich and believable characters, is any of this ringing a bell?

ORIGINAL POINT BEING that Spike was a valiant character who sacrificed himself in fighting the good fight, and for that, he deserved the heroic ending he got, heartbreaking as it was.

So, since this appears to be the end for now, I feel it is my duty to spam this post with pictures and quotes.

Pre-vamp Spike, nee William Pratt (which is pretty funny if you're in with Brit-speak). Ain't he just adorkable?

According to Whedon, he is "giving the peace sign to someone behind him". It's kinda great how they managed to get so much stuff past the radar because he's British. This is kind of an iconic moment, especially since it comes from such an iconic episode. 

He's teasing Angel here, because he was invited in and Angel wasn't. Oh Spike, you trouble-maker. It's especially funny because he never once actually considers hurting Joyce, even though there was that one time Joyce hit him in the head with an ax.

Spike being incredulous. "Is everyone here very stoned?" Cracks me up every single time.

This one's a rerun, but look at it. He has a very nice smile. 

This one's a rerun as well, but seriously, 70s Spike. It just never gets old. Also, apparently Billy Idol stole his look from him. 

 Think I'll leave this here as well because iconic-ness and hilarity (though this might be a rerun as well?):

Okay I'm done. Promise. Kinda. I'll just go back to mourning. 

Favourite Thing of the Week #8

Recovery, by Frank Turner.

It's usually not just one tiny thing like this, but it's actually beautiful.

It's a nice, upbeat kinda song with a major key and all that stuff, but when you start listening to the words... I legitimately teared up near the end. That probably has a lot to do with watching my friend recover from a very dark period of her life, so it's kind of important to me. This song may not quite be Hallelujah as written by Leonard Cohen, but I do find this song has its own kind of beauty - that is to stay, I honestly think it is beautiful, period. And I hope I'm not the only who sees that.

I HAVE FOUND THE SOLUTION

I've had this problem since forever, which is that I will be working super hard on a writing project, one of my novels, and then BAM another idea suddenly hits me and I'll have to plot that thing out before I lose it, but then the inspiration starts to possess me and all I want to do is start writing the story and learn more about these characters but I know that if I start writing this new story I'll either lose the novel I've been working so hard on for months or have the new one fade out. And I don't want that to happen, because I love all my stories equally, it just so happens that sometimes one needs food more than the others. But I can't start a new project when I'm in the middle of a different one, or else one starts to take priority, and then the other one goes cold and I won't be able to pick it up again.

But I think I've found the solution. And not only have I found the solution to this little problem, it also serves as a solution to a different writing problem. This has been happening to me for a while, where I have this great idea for a story, but the plot and the characters and the world just won't flesh itself out. I have some basic ideas for the characters, but nothing concrete. I cannot tell you how irritating this is, where the world just refuses to be created.

There is one solution to both of these problems, and that is trial stories.

I recently started writing a couple trial stories for this great story idea. While ultimately, I want it to be a novel, it turns out that writing the world in a short story format (or at least in a disconnected chapter format) for a while actually helps to make the world and characters and plot a lot more concrete. I've already changed things from my original plan, and it's starting to make a whole lot more sense. Also, the characters were unfortunately in a bit of Harry, Ron and Hermione format before (one valiant main character, the goofy friend and the girl constantly playing devil's advocate), but luckily with my trial stories I've managed to develop them beyond that, as well as a few other characters. So that's one use for the trial stories which have served me wonderfully.

The other use for the trial stories is that it feeds the hunger. Because, really, when you're just longing to start writing a story but can't for the sake of project management, that's really what it is. It's a hunger to explore another world. And writing the trial stories not only feeds the hunger, it feeds the hunger in a short way so that you don't get too distracted from the main project, but also get a bit of a break from it (often the inspiration will come when your imagination has kind of exhausted a particular world for the time being. It's never permanent, but you wouldn't hang out with the same person every day for three weeks straight).

And I really do enjoy the trial stories that have come out of this little experiment, and I'm actually rather proud of them. I was actually quite tempted to post one of them up here. But I realized that the stories don't make sense to other people. You see, since my mind is making up the rules of the universe as I go, nothing's really explained. I could post it up here, but you wouldn't know what was going on. The thing about us writers is that our minds fill in the blanks, especially when we're not writing for any particular audience. Which means in general, there are a lot of blanks in my trial stories where there aren't blanks for me.

The other thing about these trial stories is that they're quite exciting to write. I'm one of those writers that has to plot out their story extensively before they start. It doesn't always follow the plan, but the plan has to be there in case I ever get the dreaded disease, writer's block. This is generally a good thing.

The negative side to this is that I'm very rarely surprised with where my stories end up going. Because I planned them. There have been a few moments that surprised me, which is always wonderful (in my greek mythology story, when Ares punched Hermes in the face? I was having emotions about that little twist for about a week), but it doesn't happen very often. Which actually means that I've gotten worse at just rolling with the energy. There was a scene in one of my stories in which a wife agreed to stay with her husband in order to help him survive an assassin - it's a long story - but it was important to my plot that she DIDN'T end up staying. So she ended up leaving in a really forced and cowardly way, which wasn't ideal, but the plot I'd planned wasn't following the energy of the story itself.

To be fair, I'm usually pretty good about this - there've been a few major plot points that were not at all written in my plan, but that were impossible to not have happen with the way things were going. But to write a short story with next to no plan about where it's going - it's exciting. Especially when it actually ends up going places. That's the best part, when you're looking it over and you go, "Hey, I think that was actually some plot development" or "Hey, that was actually some character development" it's like "I DID IT GUYS I WROTE AN INTERESTING STORY WITH NO PLOT PLANNED OUT BE PROUD OF ME".

I wouldn't recommend a strategy like that for a work you intend people to read - please, plot your stories - but as far as experimental trial stories go, it's a good strategy. It allows you to try things that you may end up liking with a lot more freedom, and also the elbow room to just kind of have fun and explore a little.

But the thing about writing is everyone has different techniques that work for them. I currently really really like the trial story strategy, but that might not work for everyone. But it certainly works for me I'm very happy about this this is a happy thing.

I don't think anyone but writers can fully understand the amount of frustration that has just been lifted from me. This is like discovering you can still live at Hogwarts while taking occasional day trips to Narnia. It's fantastic.

...

Yes, writers are crazy and have crazy problems, what did you expect?