"...if my life has anything like a philosophy, it would be to do what one loves, do what makes one happy, love, forgive, laugh often."
And the thing about that is that I really want to explain this in depth, because it seems pretty simple, but it can actually be quite difficult at times.
Do what one loves.
That, for me at least, is possibly the simplest part of the whole thing. If I feel passionate about writing, then goshdarnit, I'm going to write. If I feel passionate about film making then goshdarnit, I'm going to make some films. And it sounds like there's nothing to it, and there sort of is, but at the same time, things get in the way, right? People saying that you can't focus on your art form, people never make it there. The doubt. Sometimes there's a feeling of futility that comes into it too. I'm making it sound like a sob story and I'm not trying to, but this is the truth. Sticking to doing what you love is much harder than people give it credit for. But I do my best to do it whenever I can. I write. I make movies. I sing. That's what I do. And I highly doubt that'll really ever change.
Do what makes one happy.
This sounds the same as the first one, and it does kind of tie together, but it's not so focused on passion. This one's just.... in general. If it makes me happy to watch Whose Line obsessively, to listen to music blasting as loud as I can get it, to sing loudly and all the time, to read books about insanity and books about revenge and greed, then yeah, I'm going to do it. This one's not so focused on the idea that of doubt in your passion, but on the idea that if it makes you happy, who really cares what other people think? Yeah, I get that it's perhaps regarded as weird and creepy that I watch all these videos about Whose Line and Colin Mochrie, but it makes me happy, and I've got no real reason to stop. I try not to stoop to give into peer pressure, though it's sometimes difficult. I get that some people think I'm crazy for being in love with the book Misery and The Shining (although that's more based on fascination), or that I really prefer to be comfortable and unfashionable than vice versa. Apparently I'm not normal, and frankly Miss Scarlett, I don't give a damn.
Love.
One of the hardest pieces of this particular philosophy at times, but at the same time it can be really easy.
Actually, it's not so much focused on loving everyone, as hating no one.
I try to find something good in everyone I see. It can be pretty damn difficult at times, but I look for something good to say for everyone. I love my mother, my father, all my friends. I really do love them. But then, and this is going to sound absolutely horrible but I'm coming totally clean right now, there are times when I actually don't think I love my brother. And you're all going to think I should take pity on him because he's younger than me, because he's autistic, but I really don't have any sympathy for the kid. He can get so annoying and it's awful and I have to put up with him constantly and I get so darn sick of it.
But I try to love him. I don't like that I don't, and I really do try to love him. But he makes it really difficult.
And then when we come to previous enemies such as Janine....... well, I don't know if I'll ever really love her, but I no longer feel any hatred for her, which is actually huge growth on my part.
Which comes to the next bit.
Forgive.
Which is probably the hardest part of the whole thing.
All my friends are easily forgiven, my mother and father are forgiven relatively quickly, because love comes into play and lets me. But my brother..... not so easily. Eventually I grow mature enough to forgive him for all the idiotic things he says and does to me, but it takes time. I have actually forgiven my once enemy Janine for hacking my computer and accusing me of being a thief, even though I do feel anger rising in me for thinking of all this, I have forgiven her. Because there comes a time when one needs to move on. Bitterness and hard feelings don't make for a particularly happy life.
But, and this is kind of what I want to get at, the one person who's the hardest to forgive is myself.
People are always harder on themselves than other people are on them, and the same is true for me. Everytime I do something that was not particularly smart, I feel ashamed. And people are disappointed in me. Then they forgive me and forget about it, but it takes sometimes years for me to forgive myself. I used to slap myself whenever I couldn't stand how absolutely stupid I had been. But I've grown, and I forgive myself faster now.
And lastly but certainly not leastly,
Laugh often.
Laughing is good for people. I don't know if it's quite as therapeutic for everyone else as it is for me, but it is actually extremely important to me.
Which, of course, is why I watch Whose Line, but I've talked far too much about that already.
It's also the easiest part. Because laughter isn't necessarily hard to come by, but when it's there it's just fantastic. People always make fun of me because I laugh too hard at something that wasn't THAT funny, but I don't care because I'm not ashamed of laughing. I have no reason to be. Laughter is, should be, and hopefully always will be, a big part of my life. Cause even if jokes get old, laughing doesn't.
That's how I think. Unusual? Maybe. I wouldn't know. Who cares?
And now, music that I've been listening to throughout writing this post.
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