WLiiA Rant: Colin

So I've been thinking lately about how this blog is a great place for me to rant - no one wants to hear it in real life, and on here you can skip over it if you feel it's a waste of your time (which it probably is). Not that anyone reads this blog anyways. I've just gotta rant sometimes to get the thoughts out of my head and onto paper (metaphorically).

And what else would I rant about? What Rant is it Anyway?- that should give you enough of a hint right there. WLiiA. Whose Line is it Anyway.

And I've been contemplating what I should rant about. The people, and the role they play? The humour and its awesomeness? My favourite and why? The famous Ryan/Colin bromance?

So I finally decided I'd have a separate rant for every single person on the show (or at least all the regulars) and see what happens.

Starting with the crowd favourite - and mine! - Mr. Colin Mochrie.

"People you wouldn't want to get caught with under the mistletoe."

The thing about Colin is that he seems - generally speaking - like a soft spoken type of person. And a lot of people when first seeing him perform won't really be fans. But after seeing, let's say, about three games with him in them, he will ultimately become the crowd favourite. Because though he seems like a soft spoken person, when he's onstage and performing without a script, he can be the loudest, funniest, most random person ever. Everything he says is unexpected, and usually hilarious like hell. He's got this dry wit on one hand, and then on the other hand, he IS just saying whatever pops into his head, which is how he sometimes says things like

"We're watching animal porn!"
or
"There's blood in my stool!"

to quote a couple famous Colinisms.

Colin after he called himself "Big Louie Little Philly" in the scene.

And the randomness is probably what he's most famous for. He's said before that sometimes he is shocked at what comes out of his mouth, and you can see it during the infamous Animal Porn incident by the way he puts his head in his hands immediately after he says it, (which only adds to the hilarity), or the way he covers his eyes during the Slept With an Ugly Woman Irish Drinking Song after he says "it looked like someone had beat her."

The three stages of Colin's reaction after he realizes what he just said after the Animal Porn incident.

1) Laughter.

2) Shame.

3) Apology.

Everyone's reaction after Colin says "It looked like someone had beat her" as the last line of the Slept With an Ugly Woman Irish Drinking Song.

And anyone who knows even a little about Whose Line will probably agree that the best moments usually involve - if are not totally conducted by - Colin. 

But randomness aside, he also has this dry, sarcastic type of wit that will usually show if given at least thirty seconds to think of something. And to those of you say that thinking of it beforehand is not improv, you're wrong. Because the others are not expecting it, which makes it even better. 

An example of his incredible wit:

Ryan: Ooh, I've got a bit of a bug. Ooh. And I'm a little jittery. Jittery - bug. Jittery bug. Jitter bug!

Colin: Wow! Nice segue. 

LATER

Colin: You know one time I went to the circus and I saw this strong man bend a car - BEND A CAR? PAT BENATAR.

Ryan: *after a fit of laughter* Okay, you've proved your point.

Colin: Yes. You're not the only master of segues.

AND EVEN LATER

Colin: You know when I was a jocky - 

Ryan: Heh.

Colin: No, I was, just for a little while. And in our bed, well it was more of a cot, we had this sanitary paper for the fillies - wait a minute! Bed cot filly paper? RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS?

The "see how stupid that is?" look.

The smuggest look Colin has ever worn.

.... and that's just one example. For more, watch any given Weird Newscasters game where he's the main anchorman. You will be treated to a long and rambling story with a punchline from so far out in left field you won't see it till it konks you on the head. It's pretty much the only reason I watch the Weird Newscasters Games. 

Another thing about Colin is that he is totally the straight man. You could probably count on your hands how many times he's cracked up during a scene that wasn't someone messing up somehow. He could say one thing that gets the audience laughing so hard it hurts, that gets the other performers doubled over from laughter, that gets Drew to laughing so hard he can't read the next card, that gets Wayne literally on the ground, and he will have the most natural, serious look on his face patiently waiting for the others to get ahold of themselves, usually only smiling to make fun of himself. That's not just impressive. It's uncanny. I don't know how he does it, or why for that matter, but it almost makes it funnier because he makes it seem like the most natural thing in the world to go up and start singing

"Hey, I didn't mean to cook your dog! But hey these things just happen!"

in reply to

"If people wrote songs about embarassing moments."

or something like that.

But he's not at all a serious person. He just treats it like it would be the natural thing to say. It's pretty funny actually.

So he won't laugh on stage. When he's in character and in the moment of the scene. But when he's just himself, watching the others perform he is ALWAYS laughing. You can tell he enjoys what he does - you can always see it. He's said before that Whose Line was a lot of fun, that he was there getting paid to play with his friends and you can tell that he really enjoys it. Hell, he even laughs at Drew's lame points jokes (the points don't matter! Yes, the points are just like a wedding ring at a strip club. They don't matter). He's not afraid to laugh at himself............ and even less afraid to laugh at others. Now that I think about, I've never seen him laugh harder than the time Ryan broke the desk light by running into it headfirst. 

Ryan: Was that lit?

Colin: Oh yeah, it was. *pause* It would have been better if your head burst into flames.

Ryan: *laughing*

And while we're talking about Colin laughing at himself, he puts up with a lot of jokes at his expense. You can tell he's fine with it because they're all friends, but he's the one people pick on when they're stuck for a real joke. And really, from their perspective, why not? He's bald. He's canadian. He always plays the woman. He wears these weird hawaiian shirts that were completely tackled during what I call the Tacky Shirt Taping (an audience member suggested Tacky Shirt Man for his superhero name. No one ever let him forget about it. He later complained that he was missing bald jokes). He's..... a little older than the others, or at least looks it because of his baldness. And all that random stuff he says. And the fact that, as a master of improv, he basically needs to agree to keep the scene going. So they force some uncomfortable things on him. All in all, he's pretty much the Whose Line punching bag. Not that he doesn't make a few jokes himself. 

Drew: Hey, Ryan, tell your wife I had fun last night.

Audience: Ooooooooh........

Colin: Hey! Make fun of the bald guy! I'll be your lightning rod of hate! 

"LIGHTNING ROD."

And the lightning rod of hate continues to be one of my ultimate favourite tapings. 

Colin after Drew compliments him then says he had to humour him because he was bald.

Colin after Drew got booed for the bald joke.

"Canada: the upside".

Colin after Drew said yet another bald joke.

Colin forgiving Drew for the bald joke.

Ryan forcing a weird pointy thing on Colin's face while "measuring his head".

"And it can remove those pesky eyes!"

A really bad hangover: every sound was really loud and echoing and over-exaggerated and when Colin tries to comb his hair - silence.

Colin after first hearing his superhero name: Tacky Shirt Man.

Colin seeing if his shirt was dry yet (Tacky Shirt Man. Tacky. That man is a genius).

Ryan playing Colin's shirt like a ukulele(?).

Ryan sucking on Colin's shirt (?). Note Colin's bewilderment.

"I'm Canadian!"

Drew: A thousand points to Colin for putting up with all the bald jokes.
Colin: LIGHTNING ROD
Drew: Yeah, good job chrome dome. OH! ANOTHER THOUSAND POINTS!

And that's pretty much where I've been going with this the whole time. Because he is the one people always make fun of. Even the producers join in making fun of Colin. Like the one time he wasn't a woman in a Whose Line game (it was a game as well as the name of the show) he was Sampson, and he was mad at Delilah for cutting off his hair. That continues to be one of my ultimate favourite reactions to a scene set up. Or the time that Ryan was Colin's competitive uglier brother who tried to prove that anything Colin could do he could do better. 

Colin: I like that they put the word ugliER.

Drew: Yeah, that's what I thought too........

And you know he's so used to it that pretty much any joke that is at the expense of anybody is usually at his expense. For instance, in the famous Colin Newsflash, he had no idea what it was until Chip made a bald joke.

Chip: I was wondering why you're not wearing sunglasses to protect you from that incredible shine.

Colin: ....... yeah. Well, a lot of people are because of the incredible BEAUTY of what is going on behind me. Artists are coming to make recreations of it and it's just - oh. The beauty. The beauty.

When Colin figures out the newsflash is of him.

Come to think of it, that Newsflash is probably the best example of Colin's uncanny timing and wit and randomness. That was what I call the Captain Hair taping (someone suggested Captain Hair for Colin's superhero name, and they were building on that the rest of the night. It still remains one of my ultimate favourite tapings, and one of Colin's most famous nicknames among fans) so he was used to  - and probably sick of - all the bald jokes. Even before he knows it's him:

Chip: How did it start?

Colin: It all started with a badly timed bald joke.

....which is just frackin uncanny if you ask me, and it killed the audience. And Drew. And everyone. And only after the scene was done did Colin realize, laughing:

Colin: Oh! I said the bald joke thing too!

Ryan: You did, you were right on it......

Chip: That's just freaky.....

Drew: That's why they call you Captain Hair.

Aside from everything that he says, Colin is probably the best dancer on Whose Line. EVER. When Colin dances, it's always good. Whether it be because Wayne made him break dance in every Action Replay, or because it was a Scene to Rap and he couldn't think of an actual rhyme, or the music just hits him (watch the Navy Seal Motown Group for that one) or just because he feels like it, you will never be disappointed. I have started off my morning with a dose of Colin's amazing dancing and it really helped with my day. Possibly the best was the Questions Only with Kathy Griffin. They were swimming, and Kathy says 

Kathy: Is this too hot for you?

Colin: Is this?

.... and proceeds to have the smexiest dance ever, to the point where Drew had to stop the entire scene just to make him stop dancing. Just thinking about it I can feel the laughter rising in my throat.

Colin is also the master of reusing jokes. And I'm not just talking about reusing the Captain Hair over and over again (although he did reuse that at least once.... "slightly balding superhero".......). I'm talking stuff he said that he found a way to fit into other things and recreate the joke so that it was funny in a completely different way. Like the time he said "there's blood in my stool" at the end of the Graduating Irish Drinking Song, and everyone was so shocked that he would go there that Wayne then used it for "disturbing things to hear someone yell out in bed". So then Colin, during the World's Worst coworker segment, says "Hey.... there's blood on my stool." 

There are other examples, that I know for a fact..... one of his signature moves is to reuse jokes from previous scenes..... but, and I feel shame as a Whoser as I say this, I can't think of other good examples. Please have mercy on me, community of Whosers. I feel ashamed.

Colin can carry the entire cast. I am not kidding when I say this. He has literally thrown Ryan over his shoulder and ran around the stage. In every game of Dead Bodies he has to carry around..... usually two people (like when he makes them fight. OH MY GOD THAT IS SO FUNNY. "Kick! Kick! Kick!" Oh my god......) and that takes strength that people generally don't expect from him.

Colin carrying Kathy around with one arm while making someone move with the other.

And all of this is what makes Colin such a frackin' adorable individual.

Drew: Questions that are difficult for mommy to answer.

Colin: Mommy, how come no one looks like me on Friends?

Drew: Yes, if you were listening, I said difficult.

Audience: Booooooooooo......

Drew: *muttering* What the.... alright......

Colin: I'm adorable.

And he really really is. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe I've just been watching too much Whose Line. That's probably the truth of the matter. But the fact is that I see him as a totally adorable individual. Not in a kiddy way, and not in an old man way either (He's not THAT old!). Just.... I don't know. I'm not really ATTRACTED to him. It's not attraction. It's just he's adorable in a way, like...... like he never grew up kind of. Yeah that makes sense. I'm not attracted to him, I just think he's adorable because he's got this joy in what he does and it's just nice to watch. 

And who doesn't like a guy with a sense of humour, am I right?

I kid, I kid. But I know that if I ever met him I would totally be gushing. 

Anyways, he's just frackin' adorable. It's weird that I think like that but it's true. HE. IS. ADORABLE.

I DARE you to find something not adorable with this screen shot!

Anyways, in conclusion, Colin is.... I won't say funniest, because everyone is hilarious in their own right, but probably the most unexpected one on  Whose Line. And he's my favourite. Cause he's awesome. Want the reasons? Reread the post. I'm not going to recap everything I said.

Anyways...... here's to my first real rant about Whose Line. More to come. :)

Peace out,

Me.

P.S "THE CANADIANS ARE COMING, THE CANADIANS ARE COMING!"