Favourite Thing of the Week #5

MyMusic.

It's this webseries I've recently (VERY recently.... as in, two nights ago) gotten into. And yeah, it starts out kinda dumb, I guess. But it's just some light-hearted good old-fashioned fun stuff that makes fun of every music subculture known to man, and it's kind of addictive.

..... now that I think about it, the show itself is actually quite a bit like Community. Except that it's on the Internet and there are 34 episodes in one season (not including their other sort of mini-shows like The Mosh and MyMusic Presents and whatnot) and each episode is about 8 minutes long.

But it really is a lot like Community. Except - get this - goofier. Yeah.

Goofier than Community? Say what? What?! SAY WHAT?! WHAAAAAAATTTTT?! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!

I love references.

How did I find this, you ask?

Well, I was led to this by my current favourite Youtuber, Jacksfilms (Jack Douglass), who makes awesome music videos, parodies and sketches and the brilliant series Your Grammar Sucks --

SHUT UP INTERN 2!

^ This will make sense when/if you watch MyMusic.

So, because I'm nice, I will link you to the first episode. I need to share the MyMusic. It's pretty good.

I know it starts off kinda meh..... but bear with me here. It takes some patience, but give it a few episodes.

This is the Jacksfilms video that led me here..... I know it doesn't matter too much, but I really like Jacksfilms. :) It's just my kinda stuff.

(If you're going to check out Jacksfilms, check out Your Grammar Sucks. Try #20 or #40. Even my dad liked those ones, and he is not always on board with my strange sense of humour, so.....) (Also, while you're at it, check out his Lady Gaga parody. Hilarious. Not to mention his point is well taken.)

Also, the thing about MyMusic is that it's an interactive web series. So they answer questions asked by fans during their show The Mosh, and then they had all these videos with the bloopers (there's a LOT of improv going on on that show) and then the behind the scenes..... really cool. Cool stuff. Check it out.

P.S The guy who plays Indie on MyMusic played Warren on Buffy I'M SORRY BUT I SERIOUSLY DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT UNTIL I READ IT IN THE COMMENTS AND MY MIND WAS BLOWN.

P.S.S Have I mentioned that I really love Jacksfilms? Film major, music major...... and then, I mean, you watch his videos "Sh*t Film Snobs Say" and "Your Editing Lacks Continuity"..... the guy just gets it, y'know? It's almost sad how much I relate.

P.S.S.S I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THIS BEFORE BUT EVERY CHARACTER ON MYMUSIC HAS THEIR OWN TWITTER ACCOUNT. Like, even minor characters like Guess Guy and the Shaman, and I'm pretty sure Scarfman has his own Twitter too AND HE'S MADE OUT OF SCARVES. And, like, they've actually kept them maintained in the six months or whatever that MyMusic has stopped being made. There's stuff on these Twitter accounts from like, just hours ago. They've kept them maintained. Not to mention that they make both the main sitcom and all those other on-the-side shows like MyMusic News (which is actual music news) and MyMusic Presents (with actual musical talent) and The Mosh (characters answer questions from fans) and it's just like WHO HAS TIME FOR ALL OF THIS?! It's just, the show is so...... interactive. Seriously, HOW DOES ONE CREATE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!

So for that reason, The Fine Brothers (who are the creators/writers/directors) go on my list of people who are both insane and to be admired.

The Gift

I can't even handle Buffy right now.

I really really can't.

This post will contain spoilers, in case people who haven't watched Buffy all the way through would like to. STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT THE SPOILERS. THERE ARE MANY SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT AND IF YOU DON'T WANT THE SPOILERS THEN STOP READING NOW OR IT WILL BE SPOILED. STILL READING? CAUSE I'VE SPECIFICALLY MADE THIS LONG FOR YOU SO THAT YOU READ THIS INSTEAD OF YOUR EYE ACCIDENTALLY WANDERING TO THE SPOILER DIRECTLY UNDERNEATH. SERIOUSLY, IF YOU DON'T WANT THE SPOILERS, ABORT. NOW. ABORT. ABORT.

To the post:

Buffy's dead.

She sacrificed herself to save her sister. And the world. They finally defeated Glory, she and Willow and Xander and Giles and the whole gang, only to find that the Portal was still being opened. And it needed the key's blood.

Which was made from Buffy's blood.

So she killed herself so that Dawn could live.

This is a short post. But it's an immensely powerful scene.

Buffy's monologue to Dawn is insanely noble, touching, heart-wrenching and tear-jerking. And seeing Dawn crying as she watches helplessly as Buffy throws herself off the building is heart-wrenching as well. Seeing Buffy cry and writhe in pain as she tumbles through the portal. And then Tara helping Willow along, Willow in uncontrollable tears, Giles just standing stunned like a man who doesn't quite understand what happened, Xander carrying Anya in his arms and both of them just looking around with horrid sadness, and quite possibly the most heart-wrenching of all, Spike, bruised, bloodied, defeated in his endeavour to save Dawn, collapsed on the ground. It takes him a moment to process what's happened. And then he breaks down, sobbing helplessly into his jacket. Honestly, just when I think I managed to get through the scene without crying it cuts to Spike sobbing like a broken man and then the lump's in my throat all over again and here come the tears. I commend the entire cast on their performance in this episode. Truly brilliant. It's a work of art.

This episode....... pretty much encapsulates everything Buffy is. There are terrifically witty moments reminiscent of season 4, the season of witticisms, and moments of uncertainty (Willow's "I was never a gun!" is REALLY reminiscent of season 1) and then horribly sad and heart-breaking moments. Like the one I just mentioned, just for example. There's the self-sacrifice that Buffy has always acted on. Plus every character had some major steps forward - Xander proposed to Anya, for instance, which is HUGE. And Anya slapped him, yelling that he was only doing this because he knew the world was going to end and he wouldn't have to go through with it. To which he replied, no. He didn't think it was. He just didn't think he could live without her. And she said yes. Remarkable in it's distinct lack of cheesiness and feeling of being earned and rewarding.

Then there's Buffy and Giles's relationship. Giles recognizes that Buffy is a hero. He also recognizes that he is below her, nobility-wise, but he will do what he has to do save the world and make sure that the same danger won't ever present itself again. Buffy recognizes that in him, but refuses to let him kill any innocents, least of all Dawn. It's a conflict, but one both of them are extremely at peace with. "I'll kill you and anyone else who tries to kill Dawn." "I know." Which is extremely... interesting. And meaningful.

Willow faced Glory, got Tara back to health and acted as the group's saviour.

Spike's moment was one of the most heart-wrenching. First of all, Buffy invites him back into the house, which is a HUGE deal, since he's a vampire and all. It shows she trusts him. Really trusts him. And then she tells him to protect Dawn. He never shies away from it. "'Til the end of the world," he says, "even if that happens to be tonight." And then finally, his almost-a-speech. "I know you'll never love me," he says. "I know I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man. And that's...." and then he trails off, unable to find words to finish his thought. And then later he bursts through the army of minions to save Dawn. And heart-breakingly, he fails.

And the thing is, within all this building up drama, Joss (Whedon) managed to fit in a few moments to smile through your nerves. Because that's Buffy. Like simply pushing the new "big bad" off the tower. Or, a very memorable moment that happens pretty much just are you're sobbing, you see this image:

A gravestone, with the words:

Buffy Anne Summers

1981-2001

Beloved sister

Devoted friend

She saved the world a lot. 

And if that final statement doesn't make you smile a little through your tears then I don't know what will. 

Cause that's what this show is about. It's never just been drama. It's never just been comedy. It's never just been action. It's everything all beautifully mixed into one, and if that final image doesn't magnificently represent that then I don't know what does.  

This show will wring out your emotions like a wet towel.

Beautiful episode. I've said this before, but it was truly a work of art in film.

P.S I'VE JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY ABOUT HOW FAR SPIKE'S CHARACTER HAS COME.

It's totally random but it's just something I never thought about before.

See, I always found Spike really "loving" Buffy kind of.... uhm....... let's put it this way. Whenever a character on a show says they "love" another character, I tend to take it with a grain of salt unless it feels earned. Like, Xander proposing to Anya. That felt earned. Their relationship has grown immensely since Anya following him around Sunnydale High demanding he go to prom with her.

But Spike's declaration of love for Buffy... didn't feel as earned. Because he's always had an obsession with the Slayer, whoever that happens to be. During the Boxer Rebellion it was the chinese one, in the seventies it was Nikki, etc. And sure, he's clearly always been attracted to Buffy, but I think it's pretty easy for those things to turn into infatuation rather than love, right? So it didn't hinder my enjoyment at all - the storyline pretty much works exactly the same either way - but I always kinda found myself going "Uh huh, Spike. Alright. Whatever you say."

Earlier in the season Buffy puts a protection spell on her house so that Spike can't come in anymore - he's sort of un-invited. And it's a heart-breaking shot actually, when she slams the door on his stunned and sad face. But fair enough. He's a vampire, he's dangerous (despite the chip in his head) and he's obsessed with you. Seems fair to me.

Well, in this episode - the Gift - they go to Buffy's house to pick up some weapons to fight Glory and her minions. And Buffy walks in no problemo and Spike hangs out outside, unable to cross the threshold, as an uninvited vampire. First of all, it doesn't even cross Buffy's mind - she's learned to trust him.

But what's more remarkable about the situation - and this is what finally made me think "Huh. Maybe his love isn't so hokey after all." - is that he totally respects her right to keep him out. He knows he's a monster and he sees that this is Buffy's house, she has a right to keep a monster out. So the next things he says are said awkwardly, but the fact that he said them show me "Hey, Buffy. You can trust this guy. I mean, you can really trust this guy."

I don't have the exact lines, but he starts saying things like, "So, uh..... maybe you can pass it to me over the threshold or something...." Rather than a sarcastic "You're going to have to let me in, genius," type remark, which would have been totally characteristic of Spike and was really what I was expecting, he's decided "Y'know what? She keeps me out. Fair enough. I still wanna help."It took me aback and then Buffy inviting him in totally made me forget about overanalyzing that little piece but when you think about it it's really very meaningful and significant. He's not only attracted to her. He respects her.

P.P.S I know I said this was going to be a short post. But I lied. Sue me.

What made this episode in general so remarkable is that it both summarized Buffy as a series (thus far) and also the fifth season in particular.

It starts with Buffy fighting one vampire in an alley. Remember, in season 1, when fighting a vampire used to be a big deal? Now it's such a given that the show barely even shows it anymore. And they really made a big deal out of this particular vampire, who went down no sweat. And the kid she saved goes "But you're just a girl!" And she says "That's what I keep saying." Which pretty much sums up the ongoing theme throughout the show but especially in season 1 of Buffy dealing with her "destiny", and the fact that she can't just be a normal high school girl. That's also the main theme of season 2 ("I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys, or, god, even studying! But I have to save the world.") So there you go.

Season 3 and Season 4's themes were pretty much wrapped up - they're stuff that the show has already dealt with and it would be kind of old news to bring up again. So they didn't. BUT they did bring back elements of the seasons. Again, Season 4 was the season of witticisms, and there was definitely some good old fashioned wittiness going on, in spite of the gravity of their situation. I didn't catch any particular references to Season 3, but I'm sure they were there.

And most importantly, Season 5.

Season 5, mostly, had to do with what it means to be a Slayer. Does that mean I can't love as fully as everyone else? Does that mean I have to be solitary so as not to put any "civilians" in danger? and so on and so on. A concept that the episode wrapped up rather nicely with the teamwork of the Scoobies to triumph over Glory and her minions, and Buffy's sacrifice to save Dawn.

What I find interesting is that what the Guide tells Buffy on her quest - "Death is your gift" - is very close to what Spike told her during his "lesson" - "Death is your art". The Guide tells her "You are full of love. Death is your gift." And Spike tells her (let's see how good I've got this monologue down) "Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after day. That final gasp, that look of peace. And part of you is desperate to know... what's it like? Where does it lead you? [...] Every Slayer has a death wish." He goes on to say that the only reason Buffy's lasted this long is her ties to the normal world (Mother, sister, friends, etc.). So what I'm trying to figure out is... was Spike right? Because I don't think he was wrong. In the episode just before The Gift it talks about Buffy wanting out. He was certainly right about death following every Slayer. I don't think he was exactly correct, fully.... but I'm reluctant to say he was wrong. Again, maybe that's just my soft spot showing.

Anyway, besides that little digression, (which this blog is full of... you should be used to it) there were about a billion ways this episode tied up the fifth season. Tara is most definitely a Scooby, despite her lack of appearance in the opening title - her identity as a Scooby was kind of in question, so the season is basically just figuring out how to integrate her into the gang, and that definitely happened.

The orb Buffy found the episode we met Glory that never ever reappeared? Reappeared. Turns out it repels her. Go figure. So that was used to fight Glory.

The troll hammer that Anya's troll left behind a while back? Also made a reappearance. It was the primary weapon used against Glory.

Willow getting stronger with her magic? DEFINITELY a huge weapon against Glory. Sucking the cohesion from her mind back into Tara. That's big.

Spike's Buffybot made a reappearance! It acted as a decoy to keep Glory busy so that the real Buffy wouldn't be weakened from fighting and Glory would. Didn't see that one coming, I can tell you - I really didn't expect that one to come back. "Did anyone else know the Slayer was a robot?" Priceless.

Oh, and Xander's no longer being everyone's "buttmonkey"! You know, he got a job, a job he was good at, he found something he knew about and liked and was good at, got himself an apartment, proposed to Anya, and? He ran a wrecking ball into Glory. Which seems like a cheap way to sum up that storyline but it really wasn't. Y'know, he's finally helping, really, significantly helping, instead of being a damsel in distress, or worse, Renfield.

Anya definitely came through. She finally stopped complaining about saving the world and actually did it, basically coming up with all the ways to kill Glory that weren't Willow. She even says to Xander: "No, you see, usually, when there's an apocalypse, I skedaddle. But now I love you so much that instead, I have inappropriately timed sex and try to think of ways to fight a god and worry terribly that something might happen to you, and also worry that something'll happen to me and then I have guilt that I'm not more worried about everyone else but I just don't have enough, I'm just on total overload..." The fact that she's helping them instead of figuring out ways to run away, like she always did as Anyanka, is huge growth, along with the fact that maybe that monologue was a little weird, but she's learning how to be human. She's been learning how to be human since season 3, and this monologue shows that hey, guess what? She pretty much gets it now. (Anya's a great metaphor for pretty much anyone struggling to figure out the world and why it works the way it does.)

Dawn grew up. She was willing to sacrifice her own self to save the world, and she very nearly did. I know that's not what we were supposed to be focusing on, but Dawn seemed like a fairly petty character to me and that seemed like growth.

But most importantly, BUFFY grew up. She realized that her place as Slayer didn't make her a killer, it made her a protector. And because she's full of love, she protected Dawn. She didn't just die - she died at the end of season 1, but that wasn't sacrifice, that was just misfortune. She killed herself, deliberately, knowingly, willingly, because it saved the world and it saved her sister. She knew who she was and what she was supposed to do. And one of the first lines in her message to Dawn is "Tell Giles I figured it out." And that's huge.

Okay. I think I've analyzed the episode as far as I can go. I'm done. Promise. Not really promise. But I think I'm done.

Man. That post was a lot longer than I anticipated. 

Because Yeah.....

Notice anything different about me?

Favourite Thing of the Week #4

You know, besides Whose Line re-premiering and all. I will get to that soon. Don't worry.... you will hear from me on that. :)

No, my favourite thing of the week for this post happens to be this little tidbit that Colin Mochrie led me to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd06mzZ7Omk

(I would put the actual video here but Blogger's being an idiot about it at the moment).

Please watch the video the link leads to. Really inspiring. It kind of perfectly explains the importance of the arts and the link between them and loving other people. The woman's brilliant. The talk is awesome. Just great.

Spike Is Just Plain Awesome: A Character Study (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Geek post alert! I mean, most posts on here are, so I guess that kinda is a given, but I thought I'd warn you anyway. I guess Joss Whedon just yells "geek" to me more than other things. (I mean he did create both Firefly and Buffy, so really, can you blame me?)

By the way, this is all written from the perspective of having gotten about midway through season 5, so obviously I haven't technically gotten all the information I could get. And if you're behind me in the series, there will probably be spoilers. But it's just that some characters, to paraphrase John Green, "Sometimes you [see] a [character] and [they] fill you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans [love] the [character]."

So, without further ado, I'm about to weirdly and zealicly evangelize you about my current favourite Buffy character, William the Bloody. Also known as Spike.

Now, I've pretty much loved Spike since he first appeared on the show (early-mid season 2) - I liked his style. This was, of course, back when he was still an active villain. And I've talked about how much I adore villains, right? I just liked that he and Drusilla just strolled into Sunnydale, saw the Chosen One or whatever he was called - there was this kid, the Chosen One or something like that, and all the vampires in Sunnydale listened to him because he was the Chosen One and he was leading them all - Spike and Drusilla just strolled into Sunnydale and killed him. There. That solves that little conflict of interest.

And they research Spike and it turns out that he had killed two Slayers already in his past. Which means? This particular vampire is an actual threat.

Awesome.

Enter: Spike and Drusilla

And before I get into how he loses his whole being-a-threat-ness, I'd just like to say that right from the beginning, when he was with Drusilla, who, to keep it simple, was insane and did need help with a lot of things, it was clear that Spike was sort of, in a way, taking advantage of her. You know, for sex and stuff. Vampires are often like that. But, unlike most vampires, we can also percieve that there's something beneath that. Something extremely loving and affectionate, and he cares for Drusilla, truly. And when they awaken the killing machine who was programmed to kill all things human and not evil, the machine questioned them for a moment because it sensed something not evil between them. Something more weak and human. Because Spike is one of those wonderful villains who are evil on the outside, but with a very soft underbelly.

Not to mention that right from the beginning Spike's little quips were freaking HILARIOUS.

For instance:

Xander: (in reference to the troll that just entered and is destroying the place) I'll gonna run and get Buffy. Or maybe you could fight it?

Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much. 

Or

Spike: (referring to Angelus bringing the rock that the monster was encased in) It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

Or even:

Buffy: What are you doing here? Five words or less.

Spike: Out - for - a - walk. Bitch. 

And when he first teams up with Buffy (they both loathe each other, but they both want to kill Angelus more, so it's a grudging "let's not try to kill each other for just a limited period of time" thing going on), yeah, it was mostly out of jealousy of Angelus, but also, Spike doesn't really WANT to see the world destroyed. See, for a vampire, Spike really isn't CRUDE. He's a little obnoxious, sure, but he also has a level of, sort of, sophistication. I'm not sure how to explain it. Spike likes the world. He doesn't want it all to literally go to hell. It's the ultimate act of evil, and Spike wants no part in it. He has the kind of forethought and reasonableness that not even Angelus, the ultimate evil and ideal vampire, does. 

I just keep seeing the scene where Buffy first has to tell her mom that she's a Slayer, and Spike happens to be around, and at first Spike tries to cover for her. THEY HATE EACH OTHER. So why is he doing this? Because he knows that if Buffy can't fight then his alliance is gone. And when Buffy invites him in to her house? As a vampire, that's a big deal. He could potentially take huge advantage of that for his own malicious intentions. And the thing is? He never really does. Fact, in that particular episode, he tries to make small talk with her mom. Spike is not like other vampires, that's for sure. 

Buffy's Mom: Have we met?
Spike: You hit me with an axe one time. Remember? 'Get the hell away from my daughter'?

Flash forward: season 3. Spike and Drusilla have escaped elsewhere. Except guess what? Spike makes a reappearance in Sunnydale. Perhaps his original intentions were a little more malicious. What ends up happening is he breaks into Buffy's house and breaks down crying and Buffy's mom offers him tea. 

And why is he breaking down? Because Drusilla broke his heart. That's right, Drusilla, someone who he actually really loved, broke his heart. "I caught her making out with a chaos demon!" It's terrifically funny in a pathetic sort of way. Which only goes further to prove my point that, unlike most other vampires, Spike is capable of loving, really loving with all his heart. For a soulless demon, Spike is remarkably human. And a true fool for love, as well. More so than any of the Scoobies, or really, any character on the show.

Spike: What do you know? It's your fault, the both of you! She belongs with me...... I'm nothing without her.

Buffy: Yeah, that I'll have to agree with. You're pathetic, you know that? You're not even a loser anymore, you're a shell of a loser. 

Spike: Yeah? You're one to talk.

Buffy: Meaning?

Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.

Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about.

Spike: Oh yeah, you're just friends.

Angel: That's right.

Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood, blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

And this was all before his major character development and arcs, so that just goes to show you how awesome Spike is. 

But to the point, to when Spike really starts to get some attention: season 4.

Spike's been a resident of Sunnydale for a while, but when he gets captured by a secret organization that studies demons called the Initiative, they put a chip in his head so that he can't hurt any living thing without being in an extreme amount of pain. He can't even aim a gun at someone with an intention to harm them without getting a massive pain in his head. So what ends up happening is he ends up at Buffy's house, thrown out of all his old haunts and just desperate to get out of the sun (you know, cause that burns vampires and all). And he's pathetic. And the Scooby Gang, who, rightfully, are suspicious tie him up and end up sort of taking care of him for a while - first in Xander's place, and then with Giles. 

And the interesting thing is that even through all these strangely personal encounters with the Slayer and the Scoobies, it's made perfectly clear that they mutually loathe each other. But since Spike is no longer a threat, since he can't hurt anything, they find he makes a rather good ally. Oh, yes, he would kill them all if he could, and they would kill him if he ever became an active threat again. But as it is, Spike actually helps them once in a while (when Giles turned into a demon - sure, he had to bribe him, but still) and they enjoy his extensive, though grudging, knowledge of the demon world. And Spike just has to settle with verbal bullying to satisfy his malicious urges. That is, until he discovers that the chip doesn't cause him pain if he hurts a demon. 

Eventually they just let him go, or he gets out of their houses or whatever, because they're all sick of each other. He finds a nice crypt and gets cozy. And of course, Spike wants to see the Slayer dead. And yet? That seems to be him and the Scooby Gang's only conflict of interest. For one of them being a team working to save the world and the other being literally a blood-sucking demon, they have a lot of the same goals. And yes, in the finale Spike manages to turn them all against Buffy. Because he's close enough to them that he can do that. But what happens after that? He saves them from a demon they didn't know about. 

Which is probably the only thing that stopped them from staking him then and there.

So what do I get from season 4? Not only is Spike hilarious, he's a wonderfully conflicted character. The kind of villain you don't need to feel guilty about loving, because he's not always a villain. Sometimes, just sometimes, in his obnoxious yet smart way, he's helping them out.

But the interesting thing about Spike? Just when you think you've figured him out, just when you think, okay, for sure this is the direction he's going now, he backtracks. He changes his mind.

Case in point:

Season 5. Spike has developed a sort of obsession for Buffy. I guess.... he kinda... has a crush on her? (Ya can't say there wasn't a lead up. They had an episode where Willow sort of accidentally made them fall in love for God's sakes [HILARIOUS!]) And you get the feeling that he wants to hate her, but he can't really. And he's already had basically a nervous breakdown because the Slayer was "haunting" him. No matter where he went she turned up. So when Buffy asks him to tell her how he killed the other two Slayers, he grudingly does, for a fee. And the thing I find interesting here is that Spike isn't necessarily trying to upset Buffy when he says the things he does. He's actually speaking from his rather grim observations (I suppose for a vampire they're not as grim, which is what makes it so easy for him to share them, I guess) about Slayers and the nature of their duties. He's serious when he talks about how all Slayers have a death wish. And his advice about reaching for your weapon first, since a vampire already has theirs? Actually decent advice. You don't get the feeling Spike is really trying to screw up Buffy here. Which leads you to believe that he's going to help her now. He's strangely insightful.

Spike: What are you looking at?

Buffy: (in reference to killing the Slayer) You got off on it.

Spike: Well, yeah. I suppose you're telling me you don't? How many of us do you reckon you've killed?

Buffy: Not enough.

Spike: Exactly. 

Then he backtracks, changes his mind. After Buffy's "you're beneath me" comment (so horribly close to the one he got from the girl who broke his heart before he even became a vampire) he decides he'll kill her once and for all. He gets his gun prepared, gets ready to endure the pain he'll have to endure for the act by reassuring himself "she'll be dead longer" and sets out to kill her. And the cold resolution he has is just so chilling that one is left with no doubt that he means what he says and intends to follow through.

Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one.

Until he gets to Buffy's house. And sees her crying on her doorstep.

He backtracks again. Changes his mind again. When he sees her tearstained face what comes out of his mouth is an awkward yet undeniably concerned, "What's wrong?"

Awkward shoulder pat. Melts my frickin' heart.

Yeah, Spike is a funny dude, but right from the beginning he's also been remarkably complex. More complex than any other character on the show, I would argue. I mean, Angel was supposed to be the dude we all really sympathized with, but seriously? All he did was brood. Spike seems much more human than Angel ever was, which is ironic because Spike doesn't have a soul and Angel did.

So here is a summed up list of things that I love about Spike and why I think he's an amazing character:

• His fashion sense! Haha. But seriously. Loving the long leather jacket. Very dramatic.
• His episodes tend to be hilarious.
• He's a villain who loves with more of his heart than any other protagonist. He really is love's bitch, he knows it, but he really just can't help it.
• He's intelligent and often insightful.
• In spite of this ^ it's quite clear that Spike thinks with his heart. A heart that should be cold and unfeeling, since he's dead and a demon and all, but isn't.
• He's the only vampire on the show that has actually maintained it's humanity. Which, I guess, means that his empathetic nature is strong enough to be sustained through death and evil. It doesn't conquer, certainly - Spike has killed countless people over the years, of course, including two Slayers - but it's sustained. And that's definitely something.
• In spite of all this Spike is not a good guy, really. Not initially. He has his good guy moments. All in all, he takes advantage of people when he can and tries to kill them when he feels like it and, you know, craves the taste of blood and the feel of a good kill. You know. Vampire stuff. Evil stuff. Awesome, evil stuff. 

Angel: Leave her alone!

Spike: Yeah, that'll work. Now say pretty please.

Angel: Take me. Take me instead of her.

Spike: You're not clear on the concept, pal. There is no instead. Just first and second.

Freakin' awesome.

But Megan, those things contradict each other. You just can't make up your mind, can you?

But that's where you're wrong, young padawan. The sign of a complex (and therefore more real) person is contradiction. Because people aren't just one way. For instance, I love my friends but hate the idea of having to be social. I love to tell stories but can't tell them out loud to save my life. I've been called creative, but all my best ideas started as someone else's. I like to experiment with things but hate uncertainty. They contradict, but they're true. It's a sign of complexity. And I would challenge someone who knows their Buffy to argue with any of the characteristics I've attributed to Spike on this list.

Now: Obligatory awesome pictures of Spike.

Okay, so we all know I'm not usually one to see a guy and notice that he's attractive unless someone points it out. But when Spike smiles like that..... ack. Be still my heart.

Spike from the freakin' 70s. Your argument is invalid. 

And that's all I've got for you. But to be fair, those are the only pictures that matter. :)

Quotes to help with life: the seventh

"'Do not think that I am not sad, though I laugh. See, I have cried even when the laugh did choke me. But no more think that I am all sorry when I cry, for the laugh he come just the same. Keep it always with you that laughter who knock at your door and say: 'May I come in?' is not the true laughter. No! he is a king, and he come when and how he like. He ask no person; he choose no time of suitability. He say: 'I am here.' [...] My heart bleed for that poor boy [...] And yet when he say things that touch my husband-heart to the quick, and make my father-heart yearn to him as to no other man - [...] - yet even at such moment King Laugh he come to me and shout and bellow in my ear: 'Here I am! Here I am!' till the blood come dance back and bring some of the sunshine that he carry with him to my cheek. Oh, friend John, it is a strange world, a sad world, a world full of miseries, and woes, and troubles; and yet when King Laugh come he make them all dance to the tune he play. Bleeding hearts, and dry bones of the churchyard, and tears that burn as they fall - all dance together to the music that he make with that smileless mouth of him. And believe me, friend John, that he is good to come, and kind. Ah, we men and women are like ropes drawn tight with strain that pull us different ways. Then tears come; and, like the rain on the ropes, they brace us up, until perhaps the strain become too great, and we break. But King Laugh he come like the sunshine, and he ease off the strain again; and we bear to go on with our labour, what it may be.'"

- Professor Abraham Van Helsing, Dracula, Bram Stoker

(I realize that this one is quite a bit longer than all the others, but the thing about it is first of all, Van Helsing never just answers a question in Dracula, he always gives some kind of thoughtful speech. I actually shortened this one quite a bit to make it fit better out of context [and also to avoid spoilers for people who don't know the actual plot of Dracula and who are interested in reading the thing] but the thing about literature is that everything, though not immediately apparent, adds to the atmosphere in some way, and the atmosphere adds to the meaning. So why don't we just appreciate the literature for the beauty of what it is, okay?

Also, this quote is more or less my life philosophy, and I think it's awesome that a dark, gothic book like Dracula would have a whole passage about the significance and importance of laughter.)

Not so much a quote to help with life, but an awesome quote nonetheless

"I sometimes think we must all be mad, and that we shall wake to sanity in strait-waistcoats."
-Bram Stoker, Dracula